


You're My Cure

by maudah



Category: Pierce the Veil, Sleeping With Sirens
Genre: BoyxBoy, Gay, Gay Sex, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-04
Updated: 2015-07-04
Packaged: 2018-04-07 15:36:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 15
Words: 33,506
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4268757
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maudah/pseuds/maudah
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Life has been nothing but horrible for Kellin after Vic put an end to their 6 years relationship.  Kellin fell into deep depression, turned into and alcoholic and dropped out of college. At the age of 25, he still lives with his mother and does nothing with his life.</p><p>What happens when Kellin is forced to go to some group support for alcoholics? What happens when Vic attends the same group as him?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Kellin's P.O.V.

I was your typical teenager. I wasn't the most popular guy in high school, but I still had so many friends that I could count on. Everybody loved me and accepted me just the way I was. I felt lucky to be in a school where they didn't care if you were gay. Never ever bullied me for loving boys instead of girls and I was very grateful about that. After I came out of the closet, nobody acted differently towards me. I was still the same old and funny Kellin Quinn to them. My friends even made some jokes saying they now had less competition to find themselves the perfect girl. They would try to find the perfect guy for me like the great friends they were.

Girls loved me because I was part of the swimming team and because I had the body that came with it. I was very aware that I was good looking and that I was an excellent athlete. I probably was the best member of the whole team. I won so many competitions and was the pride of our school. There wasn't a day where I didn't go swimming. I was in a program that allowed me to spend at least an hour per day in the pool. Being in the water was the place where I felt the most secure. It was like second home to me. I knew I was meant to be a swimmer the very first time my mother brought me to that pool near our house. I must have been a fish in another life.

There was something even better about being on the swimming team. When I was 14, a new student arrived at our school and made it in the team. His name was Vic and he was the most beautiful guy that I have ever laid my eyes on. He was very attractive and I sure was going to get know him better. Vic and I rapidly became great friends. We had the same kind of humor and he was such an adorable human being with a remarkable personnality. I also developped a massive crush on him. How couldn't I? He was perfect in every single way. He was a very talented swimmer, attractive, funny, intelligent, etc. I just wanted to make him mine but I didn't know if he was gay or not. He knew I was since it wasn't the best kept secret.

I got my answer when he invited me to his house once so we could work on a project. I didn't expect this to happen that night. We were sitting on his bed and he admitted to me that he was gay and that he had a massive crush on me. He said that he would understand if I didn't love him back. I could not believe that Vic Fuentes had a crush on me and that I wasn't the only one to feel that way. We shared our first kiss that night and it was magical. Vic was now my boyfriend, just like I have dreamed about it so many times before. From that moment, I knew that Vic was the right guy from me. I knew that this was just the beginning of something bigger and amazing.

Vic and I were inseperable. We were always together, doing everything together. We rapidly became the most popular and cutest couple of the whole school. We surely looked perfect together. Everyone was so respectful so Vic and I weren't afraid to kiss or hug at school. We didn't have to fear that someone would beat us for being gay. Everything was simply perfect. Vic was my perfect guy, the boy of my dreams. I loved him more than anything else in the world and I could picture how awesome our future together would be.

Even though we had some little fights, Vic and I always came out of them stronger than we were. We weren't the type of guys to break up over a little disagreement. We always talked about it and we never stayed angry at each other for a very long period of time. Vic and I were each other's first for so many things. I gave him my virginity and he gave me his. It was a night that I wasn't going to forget. It was magic and perfect. We gave each other the most precious things that we had. He was the only person in the world that I wanted to have those parts of me. He meant the world to me and I wanted to show him in every single way possible.

When we finished high school, Vic and I decided to move together since we were both going to the same college. Vic was going to study Art while I was going to study Chemistry. Even though I adored swimming, I didn't want my whole life to be about it. I didn't want to make it a career and make a living out of it. I wanted to keep it as a passion, something that made me feel incredible and free. It was the same thing for Vic. We had other interests. Even though we would never go to the Olympic Games, we were never going to say goodbye to swimming. It was a big part of us that was going to follow us forever.

Vic and I have been living together for two years and everything was beyond perfect. We were twenty years old and we were certain that we would spend the rest of our lives together. We barely ever fought and we were still madly in love with each other. Everytime we would kiss, I would feel those butterflies errupt from my stomach. I wished that feeling would never disappear. At school, everything was fine. Vic and I both had amazing grades and were very happy with our classes. Vic was such a talented artist. He was so talented that he started selling his art for a big sum of money. I was proud of my baby. As for me, I was on the way of becoming an excellent chemist, who I wished, would changed the world someday.

One night, I decided to surprise Vic. It was our sixth anniversary. Vic and I had been together for 6 years and I knew there were so many more years to come. While he was in class, I decided to decorate our appartment for the occasion. I built us a fort with blankets and cushions. It was one of Vic's and I favorite thing to do. I even cooked Vic's favorite meal: lasagna. I wanted everything to be perfect, I wanted it to be a night to remember. I decorated the rest of the appartment with beautiful candles and petals. I had a huge romantic side and I was using it for good use. Everything was ready, the only element missing for this night to be amazing was Vic.

But the night didn't turn out the way I expected it to. When Vic came home that night, he didn't look okay. He was crying and seemed pretty nervous. When I went to kiss him, he pushed me away. He rejected me and it actually hurt. That wasn't the worst pain of the night. Vic took a deep breath before saying those words that cut like knives. That night, Vic Fuentes broke up with me saying that he didn't feel the spark anymore. He asked me to pack up my things and to move away. That night, he put an end to a 6 years long relationship. That night, Vic not only broke my heart, he broke everything of me. It was the last time that I saw him.

I didn't have anywhere to go so I was forced to move back with my mother who was very supportive. She said that I could stay as long as I needed and that she was there for me. I felt so empty and dead. I didn't want to feel a thing anymore, I didn't want to do anything anymore. I dropped out of college. I wasn't motivated anymore, I could not picture my future without Vic by my side. I spent my days home doing absolutely nothing. My mother tried to cheer me up and encouraged me to at least find a job, but I wouldn't listen.

I fell into a deep depression. I wasn't myself anymore. I was crying all the time, having so many suicidal thoughts. The only way I found to fight the urges to kill myself was to drink. I rapidly became a huge alcoholic. Everything, I would drink until I would pass out. I would either go in some bars or buy some alcohol and drink in my bedroom. My mother was very worried about me, but she could not stop me. I was an adult and perfectly capable of taking decisions. It was my life, an horrible and depressed life. There wasn't a day that went by where I didn't think about Vic. I tried to contact him so many times but he never replied to my texts or answered to any of my calls. He was done with me, I was in the past. But him, he would never be in my past.

I was now 25. 5 years passed since Vic broke up with me and I wasn't feeling any better. The few friends I had all gave up on me. They said that I should get over him and that I was losing my time being sad over a guy who didn't want me anymore. When they noticed that I wasn't getting any better, they left. They left just like Vic did. The only person I had left was my mother who was even starting to get impatient with me. And I could understand. Who would like a big fat loser as their son?

At the age of 25, I was still living with my mother. I had no job and wasn't on the way to find one. I never went back to College and wasn't intending to. I was still a depressed guy struggling with alcohol problems. Alcohol was my best friend, the only thing that wasn't judging me that was actually making me feel a little bit better for a couple of hours. Vodka, beer, wine, rhum...I loved them all. I loved what they could do to me, how they would allow me to forget about Vic for a short period of time. The pain would come back the next morning and I would start drinking again to forget about it all and over again. This was what my life looked now. Many people at the age of 25 already have jobs, families and more. Me...I had nothing.

Tonight would be different. For the first time in years, I had somewhere else to be. I was ordered to take part of a group support for alcholic young men. It wasn't my idea to go there, I didn't want help. I was forced to go after I got arrested for driving while I was more than drunk. I had an accident and almost killed a woman. I had two choices: go to jail for a few months or take part of that group support and do some community services. I picked option two even though I would not be allowed to drink anymore. I was bright enough to figure some ways to keep drinking without the authorities knowing about it.

I went up the stairs of that old building until the very last floor. I wondered how many men were going to be in there. I hoped that I wasn't going to be the youngest one. I didn't want to look like the loser young men who ruined his life. Even though we would all have the same problem, I was scared that I would be judged. When I reached the last floor, I was met with a big door on which there was a paper signaling that this is where the meeting was held. I took a deep breath before I opened the door.

There were already many men in there, maybe twelve of them. I scanned the room and they all seemed pretty old. I looked at every single one of them, trying to figure out what brought them in here. Then, my eyes felt on that boy. He was so familiar to me and seeing him again broke my heart all and over again. When I thought that I would never see him again, life put me on his path again. After 5 long years of being depressed over him, he was in the same room as me. He still looked the same, he was still as handsome as I remembered him to be, only his hair were a little longer now. What was he doing here? What was Vic Fuentes doing at a meeting for people doing with alcohol dependence?


	2. Chapter 2

''Well hello everybody and welcome to our very first meeting. My name is Rian Dawson and I'll be your therapist for the next few months. I'll be here to help you to get back on the right back and slowly get rid of your dependence that is making your life more difficult than it should be. I know how hard it is to struggle with alcoholism. Nobody's here to judge. I'm here to help while you can also help each other by sharing your personal experience,'' our therapist said as we were all sat in circle, all staring at each other. We were all kind of shy, because most of us didn't know each other. The only thing we knew about everyone was that they were alcoholics.

He seemed to be a pretty nice guy. He didn't seem like a Devil in disguise. Rian wanted what was good for us. I knew all he wanted was to help us, but I didn't want to be saved. I didn't want to stop drinking. It was my only to escape from reality, I didn't have anything else but that. And with Vic being back in the background, I felt like I needed alcohol more than I have ever did. It was so hard seeing him again after all those years. It was so painful to be in the same room as the guy I thought I would spend the rest of my life with. It hit me hard again that Vic and I were over, that I would spend my future without him. I wasn't accepting it, I never was going to.

''For today's meeting, I'm going to ask you to all introduce yourself to the rest of the group. It'll be a good way to get to know each other a little more and break the ice. I'm going to ask you to tell us your name, your age and what made you start drinking in the first place,'' Rian said. 

Turn by turn, people introduced themselves. I was barely paying attention to what they were saying, I was only focusing on Vic. I could not keep my eyes off him while he was doing everything to avoid my gaze. I couldn't believe that he was there. Even though it hurt like hell to be in the same room as him, I was glad to know that he was still alive. I was glad to have the chance to at least see him once again before I would have to die. When it finally was Vic's turn to speak, I listened to every single word that he said.

''Well, hi. My name is Victor Fuentes, but you can call me Vic. I'm 25 years old and I'm an artist. Eum, I started drinking two years ago when my young brother Mike killed himself. My mother called me that night saying that she found him in the garage, that he hang himself. Mike was everything to me and losing him was the worst pain that I have ever felt in my life. He was too young to die, I didn't want him to be gone forever. I needed him...so I started drinking to chase the pain away, but it got worst with time. Two years passed and I'm still a huge drinker and I need help. Because Mike wouldn't like to see me that way, he wouldn't be proud of me. That's why I'm here...I want to make my baby brother proud of his big brother,'' Vic explained, not looking at me once.

I remembered Mike, we used to be good friends while Vic and I were dating. We stopped talking after Vic broke up with me. Mike was an amazing humann being. He was always that happy and funny guy, always making jokes about everything. He could cheer up whenever you felt sad, he always knew what to do to make you feel better. He was a very nice guy and Vic loved him like crazy. Unlike most brothers, they never argued and were always there for each other. I knew how hard it must have been for Vic to lose Mike because losing someone you love can be the hardest thing that you'll ever go through in your life.

When it was my turn to speak, a part of me wanted to lie. The part of me who was still madly in love with Vic didn't want him to feel guilty, to feel like he was the one who led me to drinking heavily. A bigger part of needed to tell everything. There were so many things that I have kept inside of me for years, and I needed to let them out. I felt like it would make me feel a little better. Plus, I kind of wanted Vic to know everything that I have been through.

''Hello, my name is Kellin Quinn. Unlike most of you, I don't have any job even though I'm 25 years old. I started drinking 5 years ago when my boyfriend broke up with me. He put an end to a 6 years long relationship and it totally broke up. I was certain that we were forever, but I was wrong. My whole world collapsed, I couldn't picture my future without him. I needed him in my life, but he was gone. I started having suicidal thoughts and the only way I found to push them away was drinking. So here I am, 5 years after. I'm still drinking a lot, I'm depressed and I'm a loser. I don't work and I still live with my mother. I don't have any friends and my life is horrible,'' I said. 

For the first time that day, Vic looked at me. In his eyes, I could see a mix of guilt and sadness. It was my turn to avoid his gaze. Looking at him in the eyes reminded me of the past and it was too painful. It reminded me of the times where I would lose myself into his big beautiful brown eyes. It reminded of the time where we used to be happy together. It reminded me of all the promises that we made, of all the things that we shared. It reminded me of the time where the inside of me was still alive unlike today where it was all dead and dull. My past with Vic was the best time of my life and knowing that I could never go back there hurt. I was only hurting, it only caused me more pain. How I wished things could have been different.

For the rest of the meeting, our therapist Rian talked to us about his own drinking experience. He didn't look like it, but he used to be an alcoholic. He started drinking after his girlfriend dumped him. I could relate to his story. He thought that this girl and him were meant to stay together forever, but life didn't want that from them. Unlike me, Rian found his happily ever after. After 3 years of being depressed and turning to alcohol to chase away the tears, he met a girl that changed his life forever. And now, they are married and are even expecting their first child.

By telling us his story, Rian wanted to give us hope that things get better, that every storm has its end. He wanted to encourage us to never give up, that we would be okay again someday. It was hard to believe when I felt like my storm would never have an end, that it would always be constant rain, thunder and lightning. I felt like I would never see the sun again, that my life would always be grey and depressing. The only thing, the only person that could help me see the sun again was Vic... and I was never going to get him back. 

Rian gave us some advices on how to resist the temptation of drinking. He told us how he used to deal with the urges because it could help some of us. When he felt like drinking, Rian would go on a run along with his music or he would call his girlfriend since she was the only person who could influence him. She was the only person who motivated him to get better. He wanted to be a better person for her. And he sure did. Rian said that the better way of fighting the urge was doing something that we liked, something that could keep us distracted. I probably was a lost cause since there was nothing that I liked to do except drinking. I was doing nothing with my life, I was just a loser.

When the meeting ended, Rian wished us an excellent week and wished us good luck. I didn't want to be in the room anymore, so I rushed out of it. I went down the stairs rapidly and finally got outside in the hopes that my mother would already be there, but she wasn't. Our house was far away from where the meeting was held so she had to drop me and pick me back since I didn't have a car or my driver's license. I checked my phone and saw that she texted me. She said that she would be 15 minutes late and asked me to wait for her. I sat on the stairs as the other members got out one by one, going back to their own realities: their families, their jobs, etc. They had everything that I didn't have.

Suddenly, someone sat by my side. I turned out around and realized that it was my ex, Vic. I wanted to look away, but I couldn't. I could not stop looking at him, at how beautiful he was. He used to be mine, all mine. He gave me a shy smile that I didn't give back. Instead, I went to stand up but he grabbed my hand, pushing me back on the stairs. There were tears in his eyes, just like there was in mine. I wanted this moment to end.

''What do you want, Vic?'' I asked sadly.

''I want to apologize. I never wanted to cause you so much pain, Kellin,'' Vic replied. ''I never wanted this.''

''You did. I loved you like crazy Vic, and I still do. You broke me that night, taking all the good in me with you. I thought that we were infinite, that we were meant to be. I want to move on, but I can't. I can't forget about you and it hurts because I know that you don't think about me anymore. You never contacted me again. You forgot about me quickly and went on with your life. You're probably with someone that is better than me right now while I'm just the biggest loser who can't move on from a breakup,'' I said, as more and more tears filled my eyes.

''If I had known what was happening to you, I wouldn't have let you down like I did. I would have at least tried to help you. I'm sorry that you've been through all of this because of me. I'm sorry that I'm the one who hurt you that bad, that was never my intention. But, I don't deserve that you ruin your life because of me. You are an amazing guy Kellin, and you deserve what is best in life,'' Vic added.

''If I was that amazing, you wouldn't have broken up with me. You just just as well as I do that I'm a pathetic loser, that's why you dumped me. And please, don't say that you would have been there, because you weren't. I've been on my own for five long years and nothing is ever going to change that. I've been on my own for years thinking about you and I can't be fixed. So please, stop lying to me by saying you would have helped me,'' I replied before standing up and rushing to my mother's car that had just arrived.

I didn't look back, I didn't want to see his face again for today. As I got in the car, I bursted into tears. I lied when I said that I could not be fixed. There was a cure, only one. That cure was Vic, but I didn't own the key to let me use it. A cure that would be so close from me, yet so far. I wasn't ready to see Vic again on the following week. It would always bring back my demons into the light. I guess that was the best I deserved in life: pain.


	3. Chapter 3

Vic's P.O.V.

I had nothing to be sad about, I had everything in my life that could possibly make me happy. First, I had an amazing career. I wasn't even done with College that I already had a great reputation all over the country. People loved me art, saying that it was fresh, new and beautiful. I made a lot of money out of my different painting and drawings. I even sent one of my pieces all the way to Canada once, it made very proud knowing that people also noticed me in other countries than mine. Now that I was done with College, things were still going for the best. In fact, they were going full swing. I now had my own gallery where people from all around the world could come take a look at my work and buy something if they felt like it. It was a dream coming true, but it wasn't enough to make me happy. 

Second of all, I had the most perfect boyfriend. His name was Alex and he was 24, making him a year younger than me. We've been together for a little over three years now. When I first saw him, it was love at first sight. One day, Alex came into my gallery and bought one of my most expensive paintings. As he paid for it, he gave me his phone number, asking me to text him whenever I was free. I texted him on the exact same day and we met in some cute park and it was perfect. We've got attached to each other pretty quickly because we were perfect for each other. He made me feel incredible things that I last felt back when I was with my previous boyfriend, Kellin. Alex was an incredible man who was always supportive of my work and I was lucky to have him in my life, but it wasn't enough to make me happy.

Finally, I had amazing friends. They were all extraordinary and always there for me. They were all so different, yet so similar. I met them all during my College years since we were all studying Art. Most of them didn't get as much success as I did but they weren't jealous. They were just very happy for me, they just wanted what was best for me. They were all amazing human beings and I loved every single one of them unconditionnaly. They were like a second family to me, people I knew that I could always count on. It still wasn't enough to make me happy. I had everything to have an happy life, but I wasn't. I could have anything in the world and it wouldn't make me happy. Because Mike was gone and he was never coming back.

Mike was not only my brother, he was also my best friend, another part of me. He was one year younger than me, yet people always believed that he was the older brother. Mike was the most generous, talented and smart guy that I ever had the chance to meet. He was always there for everybody, putting their happiness before his. Mike was always there for me, he was never judging me and was always very supportive. He was the first one I told that I was gay because I trusted him with everything that I had in me. He helped me a lot, making me realize that it was okay to love boys, that love was love no matter the person you were with. Mike always had the perfect words to make me feel better. I missed his words more than anything else.

Mike had so many dreams. He dreamed of touring all over the world in a famous band as their drummer. Mike was an awesome drummer and I was the first one to believe that he would go far. I was his biggest fan, I was proud of everything that Mike did. That was the best thing about our relationship: we were very closed from each other, never arguing. When he was still in high school, Mike was in that small band and I would go to every single one shows that they gave. I wanted to be there for Mike, I wanted to watch him getting closer from seeing his dreams come true. He deserved nothing less than the most amazing and beautiful things in the world. I just wanted him to be happy and have the life that he always dreamed of.

But he didn't get that chance. When my mother called me that night, I was at this fancy restaurant with Alex. What started like one of the best nights of my life turned into the worst night that I would ever live. I couldn't believe my mother's words. I couldn't believe that my amazing and dearest brother was dead. He actually hung himself in the garage and was found lifeless by my mother a few hours later. My whole world collapsed. I couldn't imagine a life without Mike and his contagious smile. i should have notice that this smile was hiding pain and misery. As his brothers, I should have seen that he wasn't okay. It was now too late, he was gone forever. My other half was gone forever, back with the angels.

Alex and I came home that night and my first instinct was to drink as much alcohol as possible. Alex tried to stop me but it was no used. I needed the poison, I didn't want to feel a thing anymore. I drank until I passed out on the couch. I woke up the next day in our bed and the pain was even worst. Mike was still dead, he still wasn't going to come back. He wasn't going to become a drummer in an international bed. He wasn't going to call me everyday anymore. I wasn't going to speak to him anymore and it was the most terrible thing in the entire world. My baby brother was dead and it was unfair.

Things got worst after Alex and I attended his funerals. When I saw Mike in this coffin, my heart broke all and over again. He wasn't supposed to be in this box made out of wood. He was supposed to be alive and live until he would be very old. We were supposed to grow old together, we were supposed to always be there for each other. It was a nightmare that was never going to end and I would never be able to wake up from it. When we came back home after the funerals, I drank again. And that what was I did every single night since then.

Alex tried to make me stop but it was no use. I was now addicted, I needed the poison. I needed the alcohol in my veins because it helped me forget for a few hours. I was afraid that Alex would break up of me because of that, but he didn't. He stayed with me, always doing his best to make me feel better, so did my friends. There was only one thing that could make me feel better other than alcohol: painting. I would spend my day painting in my gallery. My art used to be so happy and fresh. It was now all dark and depressive. I didn't feel like doing anything joyous since I didn't feel that way. I always painted things that matched my mood. The public still loved it since it was made by me and that I had a good name in the art industry.

Alex always encouraged me to go some group support for people dealing with alcoholism, but I refused. I didn't want to be helped, I didn't want to stop drinking. Gladly, Alex didn't go against my wishes even though he would bring back the subject almost every single week. He just wanted what was best for me like the perfect boyfriend that he was. But one night, I did something terrible. I was pretty drunk and Alex tried to make me stop drinking. For the first time ever, he took the bottle of vodka away for me, saying that I had enough for tonight. I got pretty mad and asked him to give it back. When he didn't, I actually punched him in the face. I hit the person that loved me the most. When I woke up the next morning, I realized that I had a problem and that it had to stop.

I didn't have any other choice. Not only did I realized that it was going to far, Alex also gave me an ultimatum. He said that he loved me more than anything but that this whole situation was getting too difficult for him. He said that if I would need to go to support group if I wanted him to stay with me. I could not lose him, so I decided to go. I would get the help that I needed, I had to get back on track once and for all, for Alex, for me and for Mike. I knew that he wouldn't proud of me, and I didn't want that. I wanted him to be proud of his big brother. That's why I found myself sitting in this room tonight for my first group meeting. I wasn't afraid to be judged in here. I didn't know anybody in the room. Plus, we all had the same problem.

Then, someone that I haven't seen in years appeared in the room. It was the first time that I was seeing Kellin Quinn in five years. The last time that I saw him was when I broke up with him. He was still the same, his hair just a little bit longer than they used to be. He was also very different, he wasn't the happy and bubbly guy that he used to me. He looked tired, sick and sad. I didn't expect to see him at this meeting. I didn't know that he was also struggling with alcoholism. How could I have known since I never tried to contact him in years? He took a seat and didn't stop looking at me. I didn't know why but seeing him made me feel bad so I did everything to avoid his gaze. 

The meeting started and we were asked to introduce ourselves. Everyone went with their stories wich were all very different. We all had different problems and we were there to get help. Kellin was the last one to speak. I was still avoiding his gaze until he started to explain his problem. From that moment, I could not stop looking at him. His words actually cut like knives. It was our breakup that caused him that pain. He thought that we were forever and I crushed all his hopes and dreams by dumping him that night. Even though it was five years ago, he still hadn't moved on. It affected him so much that his whole life was nothing but a mess now. He was still in love with me and I was pretty sure that seeing me again tonight wasn't going to help his case. I felt guilty. I should have at least stayed in touch with him, I could have helped him...but I didn't.

When the meeting ended, Kellin was the first to stand up and to rush out of the room. I felt the urge to talk to him, to apologize. I didn't know if he would listen to me or forgive me, but I had to because I was filled with guilt in sadness. It would be a lie if I said that I didn't miss him. Even though I was with Alex now, I never forgot about Kellin. He was my first love, my first everything. I was madly in love with him, but the passion started to fade away on my side. Even though I broke up with him, I should have keep him in my life. I didn't have to push him away like I did. I shared five years of my life with him, yet I acted like nothing ever happened between us. I should have picked up the phone when he tried to call me after the breakup. I felt so reponsible of his current state and it killed me.

I left the room once everybody else was out of it. I hoped that Kellin would still be there, that I could talk to him. Fortunately for me he was, sitting in the stairs outside of the building. I sat beside him and it brought back so many memories. Though, he wasn't the guy that I used to know. The conversation didn't go well. I knew that Kellin was hurt, but not that much. Kellin was broken, because of me. He wasn't going to College anymore, he didn't have friends anymore and he was still living with his mother. I caused him so much pain. Some would say that it wasn't my fault but Kellin's since he wasn't able to move on, but I wouldn't agree with them. I made Kellin feel like he wasn't good enough.

Kellin didn't believe me when I said that I was sorry and I couldn't blame him. He didn't believe that he deserved what was best in life and that I wasn't worth his tears. I just wanted to hug him and tell him that he would be okay, but I couldn't. From now on, I didn't have only one goal by coming to those weekly meetings, but two. I was going to get rid of my alcohol addiction and I was also going to make Kellin forgive me. I needed to help him and make him realize that he was worth. I've been absent for five years and I wasn't going to stay away any longer when I knew that he needed me.


	4. Chapter 4

Kellin's P.O.V.

Another week went by and it was nothing but easy. It probably was the worst week that I had in months. Even though I wasn't legally authorized to drink, I did. I drank more than I did in the past few months. My mother didn't know about know, nobody did. If someone caught me, I could have gone to jail and it was the last thing that I really wanted. Still, it would have been a great way to not see Vic again. I was shocked that Vic was back in my life. It was hard seeing him again and knowing that he was never going to be mine ever again. Seeing him again brought back so many memories and I wanted them to stop invading my mind. That was why I drank like the alcoholic loser that I was. It wasn't like people could expect better things from me. Nobody cared if I failed or not.

I wasn't only sad, I was also angry. Vic's words kept playing in my mind over and over again. I didn't want to hear it. I didn't want to hear his apologies, it was too late for that. I didn't want to hear him say that he would have been there for me if he had known how a mess I was. I didn't want to hear him say that he would have supported me. He didn't do that and it was too late to go back in the past and change things. Plus, it made me feel like he would have helped me because of the guilt he would have felt, and not because he truly cared about me. I saw in Vic's eyes that he felt responsible of my state and that he wanted to make things better. Not for me, but for his own sake and soul. He would have to live with his guilt, because there was no way that I could be saved.

It was time for my second group meeting, and I didn't want to go. I didn't feel like socializing with people who obviously didn't care about me and most of all, I didn't want to be anywhere near Vic. I knew that he was going to try to talk to me again and try to cheer me up, but I didn't want that. He was going to apologize again, lie straight in my face. I didn't want that. What I wanted was the old us back, the couple that we used to be. I wanted us to still be in love. I wanted us to still live together and plan our future. I wanted us to be happy as we shared every single day of our lives with each other. I wanted Vic to be mine again, and I wanted to be his. That what was planned from the start when we first started dating. But that was a silly dream, I wasn't going to ever get that again. My hopes died along with me years ago.

My mother dropped me at my meeting and wished me good luck. I loved my mother. Even though she started to have enough of me and my depressive state, she was always there for me. I knew that she was never going to give up on me no matter what would happen. She was a great woman who wanted what was best for me. I was perfectly conscious that seeing me like that wasn't easy for her. She would always see me cry and drink away my problems. She would try to encourage me and she was never judging me. All mothers want their kids to succeed and be happy and I was the perfect opposite of that goal. I was lucky to have her in my life. If it wasn't for her, I would have killed myself years ago.

I gave my mother a kiss on the cheek and my way to support group and waved her goodbye. I took a deep breath and entered this place that was my new hell. It was a place that I was stuck in for weeks. As I climbed the stairs, I noticed that there was someone waiting outside of the room. Of course, it had to be Vic. That was just my luck. It was hard enough to be in the same room as him, that was too much.

''Hey Kellin, how are you?'' Vic asked.

''Don't talk to me Vic,'' I answered.

I walked past him and made my way in the large room. Rian and the other men were all already there. Vic followed me and we both took place in the circle. Of course, our chairs had to be side by side. That was another sign that life hated me and wanted to make me suffer, make me feel bad and hurt. I could feel Vic's eyes on me and I didn't look at him. If I did, I would have started crying and I didn't want to look more vulnerable that I already was. I took deep breaths and chased away the tears. It was only a few hours, I could do it.

''Welcome back everyone for our second meeting. I'm glad to see that you all showed up again,'' Rian said. ''Before we begin our session, I would love each one of you to close their eyes.'' I closed my eyes as Rian asked, wondering where this was going to lead to.

''Now, I want you to raise your hand if you drank alcohol this week, no matter the quantity,'' Rian demanded. I raised my hand because I didn't feel like lying about this. I wasn't ashamed of drinking again and I was pretty certain that I wasn't the only one in the room that actually did drink again.

''Now, I want you to open your eyes,'' Rian said. I did and I noticed that every single one person in the room, except Rian, had their hands raised. We all looked at each other before we all put our hands down again. It made me feel better about myself, to know that I wasn't the only who had a real problem, that we all had our issues and that even though we were all different, we still were the same.

''It's pretty normal as this stage of the therapy that every one of you raised their hand. As the weeks go by, you'll learn how to deal with the urges and the number of hands raised will decreased as well. Don't feel ashamed about yourself. I'm already very proud and happy, because you're all here tonight when you could be doing something else. It shows that you really want to be helped and that you are motivated,'' Rian said.

I wasn't so secure about myself anymore. I was scared that I would be the only who would never learn how to deal with the urges. I was afraid that I would be the only one in the group that would always drink and would never get better. I was afraid that everybody would have the life that they deserved but me. I was scared that I would always be a loser that would live in his mother's house because he couldn't stop drinking. I felt weak and vulnerable and I didn't believe in myself. I didn't believe that I could be happy once again.

''For today's exercise, I'm going to ask you something difficult. Some of you may cry, but I believe that it needs to be done. After analysing your stories that you told us last week, I realized that you all started drinking because someone caused you pain. Someone caused you pain by breaking up with you, by cheating on you, by abandonning you, etc. Today, I'm going to ask you to speak to me as I was that person who hurt you. You're going to tell me everything that you've kept inside of you for so long. You are going to let out all of your frustrations. I'm certain that it will make you feel better,'' Rian explained.

We all nodded and turn by turn, people started speaking. There were tears, screams, swearing and way more. Every single one of us were truly hurt. Some men first looked so tough to me, but they were the first to actually cry. The ones who seemed to be the toughest were actually simply hiding the pain that they were feeling deep inside of them. Most of us never had someone who we could talk to about our problems and our pain. It was great to finally me able to speak out loud how we were truly feeling about those human beings who pratically messed up our lives. I never said how I truly felt about Vic, I never really had the chance. I never really had the opportunity to say all the things that he made me feel. He knew some of them, but he was now going to know everything, just after he would be done speaking his heart out.

''I started drinking after my little brother killed himself. Mike, if you can hear me, I want you know that I miss you more than anything else. You were everything to me, not just a little brother. I cared so much about you. You said that you would always be there for me, but you broke your promise. The first few months, I was so mad at you for leaving me. I was mad that you left me on my own in this big great world. I didn't want to live if I couldn't have you by my side. I wanted you back, but there was no way to bring you back. You were gone forever. You were supposed to like Mike, you were supposed to have an amazing life. You were supposed to chase after all your dreams. But you didn't. 2 years later, it still hurt as much but I want you to know that I'm not mad anymore and that I forgive you. I wished things were different, but I can't put the blame on you anymore. I love you so much Mike, I'll always love you no matter where you are. You'll always be my little brother, and I'm doing this for you. I'm going to get better for you, because I love you and I want to be proud of your big brother,'' Vic said.

Would look at that? Vic was mad at Mike for breaking his promises. He was mad at his brother who promised him he would always be there for him no matter what, that we would never abandonned him. Yet, Mike broke his promises, much like Vic did. I figured that those were the kind of promises that you couldn't make, because they would always end up broken, making people feel bad and sad.

''That was beautiful Vic, thank you. Kellin, you're last. We're listening to you,'' Rian replied.

''As you know, I started drinking when my boyfriend broke up with me five years ago. Here's what I have to say to him. You made me loved you. We were young at that time, we were only fourteen when we started dating. But, I knew we were meant to be. Remember how you used to tell me forever and always? Remember all the promises that we made? Because I do and I will always do. You were always so kind to me, always making me feel like I was the most important person in the entire world. You treated me like a prince, making me believe that you would always be there for me. We had plans for the future. We even started them by moving together after high school. We were supposed to spend the rest of our lives together, that was what you kept telling me every single day. Every single day, you kept telling me how much you loved me and that you would never leave me. I was dumb enough to believe you because I loved you like crazy. You were everything to me. But then, you broke up with me on our 6th anniversary. You didn't even give me any reason, you just said that you didn't feel the passion from the beginning. But guess what? It is normal that the passion from the beginning fades away a little to give more place to tenderness and other stuff. But no, you just dump me. You abandonned me and never even tried to contact me again. In a few seconds, you forgot about the 6 years that we spent together. And I'm never going to be able to do it. Because no matter how much I'm hurt and how I can hate you for breaking all of your promises, I still love you,'' I said, doing my best not to cry.

As I was done talking, I felt a small squeeze on my knee. I turned around and noticed Vic's hand on my knee, as if he was trying to give me some source of comfort. It was too late for that, he had 6 years to help me but he didn't take them. I pushed away his hand, I didn't him to touch me. Just his touch was enough to bring all the memories that were the cause to my despair. He wouldn't take no for answer since he put it right back on my knee. He gave me a small smile which I ignored. What was he trying to do?

''I'm sorry,'' he whispered.

That was too much for me. I didn't want to be in there anymore. I stood up from my chair and ran towards the door. I needed fresh air, I needed to escape this hell. I went down the stairs so quickly that I almost tripped four times. When I got outside, it was raining. It was the perfect temperature to match my mood. I collapsed to the ground and bursted into tears. For years, I thought that seeing Vic again would make things better, but I was wrong. I thought that having him in my life again would help me, but it wasn't. Wherever he was, he was hurting me. When was it ever going to stop? Was i going to hurt of my life because of the man who stole my heart when I just a teenager? Was I ever going to forget about him? I wished for the best, because it was becoming too hard to handle, and I had enough.


	5. Chapter 5

I didn't go to group support that week. It wasn't that I didn't want to, I just couldn't. I would rather be there than be stuck in this bed in this big white room. They wouldn't let me go, they wouldn't let me leave this place. They didn't want to let me go back home, not after what I did. Doctors said it was best for me to stay in the hospital for a few more days until they were certain that I wasn't a danger for myself anymore and that I wasn't going to try again. I regretted what I did. I was filled with guilt, shame and regrets. I told them about it, but they wouldn't believe me. They didn't listen, they just kept me prisonner in this place that felt like hell. I figured that this was what you get after trying to kill yourself and failing miserably. It was just another thing that I couldn't do correctly, like the big loser I was. It was nothing new, it just confirmed the facts.

****3 days earlier****

How much did I have to drink? A lot. Was it too much? No, too much didn't exist with me. I have always been a heavy drinker, but that night, I drank more than I have ever did before. I felt so low, so miserable. It was because of him, it always was because of him. It always was Vic's fault, Vic was the one who did this to me in the first place. He was the one who turned me into a loser, he was the on who broke me, he was the one who completely ruined my life. He was the one to blame, he was the one who led me to drink to forget, and to forget that I drink. I always fought to stay alive, not to kill myself. But when I saw him with this guy in this Café, I didn't feel like keeping my promise anymore. I just wanted to be gone forever.

Vic was there with a guy that I haven't seen before. They were pretty close from each other, so close that their lips touched and so did their tongues. I always believed that Vic found someone that was better than me, but seeing it in front of me was too hard to handle. It was so hard to see the boy that I loved being intimate with someone that wasn't me. It was so hard to see Vic enjoying kissing a guy that wasn't me. It was a scene I wished I had never seen because it broke me even more than I already was. Not only did it broke my heart over and over again, it also broke the very low self-confidance that I still had about myself.

When I looked at the guy Vic was kissing, I felt so pathetic and ugly. I understood why Vic loved him and not me. He was everything that I wasn't. He was tall while I was way too short. He was a little tanned while I was as pale as the snow. He was muscular while I was just skin and bones. He had beautiful brown hair while mine was just black and boring. He was perfect while I was ugly. He was handsome while I was just a big piece of shit. He was just like Vic, he was beautiful. And beautiful people go together while ugly people go together. I just wished I could have been pretty enough for Vic to like me, to want to spend the rest of his life with me and not with somebody else.

I came back home and starting drinking some vodka. It started with a few shots and ended with almost the entire contents of the bottle. I was feeling dizzy, more than I have ever been. I wanted to die, I wanted to stop feeling the pain. Alcohol used to make the pain go away for a little while, but it wasn't working that night. It just made it worst than it already was. I couldn't stop thinking about Vic and that boy kissing. I couldn't stop thinking about my past and it hurt me. It hurt me so much that I wasn't thinking right anymore. I wanted this pain to end, I didn't want to feel a thing anymore, not a single thing. I had a plan and it was going to work perfectly with my mom being away from home that night.

I made my way to my mother's bathroom where I knew she kept some pain killers. My mother always had problems with her back, making her suffer big time. She once talked to me about those pills and how strong they were and how effective they could be. They were just what I needed to escape my horrible and dull reality. Nobody was going to care about my death, but my mother. She would cry but she would get over it because I never was an exceptionnal human being. There was nothing special about me. Nobody would show up at my funerals because I had no friends anymore. I was forever alone and it was going to make everything so easier for me. I had no reason to stay, nobody to rely on. I was on my own, I was always going to be.

I searched for my mother's pain killers and found them at the top of the drawer. I opened the little bottle and swallowed a first pill. Before swallowing another one, I stopped for a moment to think. Was that what I really wanted? Did I really want to die? I did and the mix of pills and alcohol was going to be the cause of my death and nobody was going to stop me. So I swallowed another pill, than another one until the little bottle was empty. I was feeling absolutely dizzy, feeling my body getting weaker and weaker. Death was coming and there was no turning back. I closed my eyes and let time do its job. I closed my eyes and let time work its magic so it would bring me in a whole new better place where I would finally feel free.

This wasn't what happened. I woke up a few hours later, fully alive. I was in the hospital, the last place where I wanted to be. I wasn't dead and I didn't understand why. Most of all, I didn't want to be alive. I wanted to be dead, my plan was supposed to work. A doctor came into my room and explained to me what happened. He told me how my mother found me passed out on the floor of the bathroom and that she called an ambulance. They told me that if my mother had found me 5 minutes later, I would have been dead. She found me just in time, saving my life. I didn't want to be saved. When the doctor left, I bursted into tears, thinking about how miserable and useless I was.

****Present****

Now that a couple of days passed, I wasn't so angry that I was still alive anymore. I was mostly angry at myself because I couldn't even succeed in doing the easiest thing in the entire world. In the end, I was gratefull that my mother found me. I realized that I didn't really want to die and that I wasn't thinking straight at all. Seeing Vic and that guy was the cause of that irrational action. I wouldn't have tried to kill myelf if I hadn't seen them kissing in the middle of the day. I realized that even though I was in pain I still wanted to live. I had a purpose in life and killing myself wouldn't have allowed me to reach my destination. My purpose was to get better, and I still had a little tiny bit of faith that I would one day.

My mother didn't leave my side after I was admitted into the hospital. She called sick at her job because she wanted to stay with me. I had seen my mother cry before, but never as much as she did in the past days. She told me that she was scared to lose me because I was her everything. I was her strenght and what gave a sense to her life. She told me how important to her I was and how she just wanted me to be happy. She thanked God for deciding to come home early that night. It was like He gave her sign that something bad was happening. She was simply thankful that I was still alive and that I would be okay. She was such a loving and caring mother. I would have missed her so much on the other side, she was the most important person to me in my life.

For now, she was somewhere else in the hospital probably eating or taking some fresh air. It wasn't healthy for her to stay by my side for such a long period of time. She would always make sure I was okay by asking me multiple questions, barely even giving me time to rest. Since she would be away for a while, I took the opportunity to close my eyes and relax in the hopes that I would fall asleep. I felt peaceful, not trying to think about dark stuff. Maybe it was the medecine that the doctors were giving me that helped me feel a little better. As I relaxed, someone grabbed my hand. I believed it would be my mother but it couldn't be. The hand holding mine wasn't soft and was bigger than my mom's. I opened my eyes and saw Vic seating by my side, crying.

''What are you doing here?'' I asked weakly. I didn't have the strenght to fight with him.

''You weren't at support group so I-I asked Rian if you just decided to stop showing up and stuff. And then, even though he wasn't supposed to, he told me t-that your mother called him saying that you actually tried to kill yourself and that you were now in the hospital. And I-I lost it. Why would you t-try to kill yourself Kellin?'' Vic answered sadly.

''I was sad and I wasn't thinking straight. I-I saw something that hurt me and I guess I just lost it. Irrationality took over rationality, so I-I just came home and drank a lot before I swallowed a dozen of pain killers. And yeah, I was supposed to die, but my mother found me and kind of saved me. So here I am, the pathetic loser who actually attempted suicide but who failed miserably,'' I said.

''I-I saw you a few days ago at that Café. I saw you leaving the place crying and all in pain. It was because you saw me kissing Alex, right? I'm the one who led you to actually want to kill yourself?'' Vic wondered. I didn't answer, but my silence was enough to give him an answer.

''I'm such an horrible human being. I'm causing you pain even though I don't want to. I'm hurting you without touching you or being near you. I-I'm so sorry Kellin, I-I don't want you to die. I don't want to hurt, but I keep doing it. I keep hurting you and this is all my f-fault. I'm a monster, an horrible m-monster,'' Vic added.

I felt guilty. Sure, Vic was the reason I was hurting, but it wasn't his fault. He was not the one who told me to kill myself. He was not the one who told me to become depressed and turn into a huge alcoholic. He didn't want what was happening to me, yet he felt like everything was his fault. I wasn't a monster. Even though he hurt me, the last thing I wanted was for him to feel like he would be the cause of my death. I didn't want that, everything but that.

''P-Please don't say that Vic. This isn't your fault, I-'' I said but was soonly cut off by Vic.

''Yes, it's my fault. Everything that happened to you was because of me. You became depressed because I broke up with you. You went back to your mother because I kicked you out of our place. You started drinking because I never returned your calls. And now, you tried to kill yourself because you saw me kissing a guy. Can't you see that this is all my fault?'' Vic said before he bursted into tears.

I sat up a little on my bed and wrapped my arms around him, taking him in a hug. He wrapped his arms around me and cried in the crook of my neck. I have seen Vic so vulnerable before, this was a totally new side of him. I hugged him tightly and we stayed in this position until my mother came back from doing whatever she was doing. When Vic saw her, he left the room, probably not wanting to be anywhere around her. As I watched him leave, I realized that maybe he was the one I needed to get better. I believed he was the cure I needed, the cure I needed to heal me.


	6. Chapter 6

Vic's P.O.V.

I went to group meeting that week in the hopes that Kellin and I could talk. After he rushed out of the room the previous week crying heavily, I felt so bad. I have always been a nice guy who hated causing pain to people I cared about . And yet, I was the one who was causing pain to Kellin. I was the one who ruined his life, I was the only to blame. I really needed to talk to him. I knew Kellin wouldn't want to hear my apologies, but I needed to tell him how sorry I was once again. I just wanted him to be happy, because he deserved it. He deserved so many great things in life, but he didn't believe he did. I had to find a way to make him change his mind. But when Rian started speaking, Kellin wasn't in the room and it worried me a little.

When Rian told what Kellin did to himself, I felt my heart broke. I knew he was sad, but I didn't know it was that bad. I didn't know he was so sad to the point he wanted to put an end to his life. Even though we haven't talked for years, he still was an important part of my life and I couldn't lose him. I was always going to be attached to him. I already lost someone important to suicide, I couldn't handle losing one more. I felt so guilty, I felt like I was the one who led Kellin to kill himself. I felt like I could have been the cause of his death, like if my body was transformed into dozens of pills that he swallowed. I could have stopped him like I could have stopped Michael from killing himself, but I didn't. Thankfully, he survived and I decided that it was finally time for me to make things between us right again. 

First thing I did was going to see him at the hospital. He probably wasn't going to be pleased with my presence, but I had to go. Both my head and heart were telling me to go. I texted Alex telling him I would come back home later. I didn't tell him where I was heading because I didn't want to argue with him. He knew everything about Kellin and I, but he didn't like when I talked about him. He hated it when we started dating, he hated it even more now because I was talking about him more now that he was back in my life. I never understood why it made him mad. He talked about his ex, Jack, all the time while I couldn't talk about mine who now needed my help. It was like he had the right to be jealous while I didn't.

I pushed the thoughts away when I reached the hospital. The visiting hours were almost over so I didn't waste time in asking a nurse where I could find the psychiatric unit. She gave me a few instructions to help me get there. This hospital was so big that I could have easily got lost. I thanked her and made my way to the unit. I was shaking, I was a nervous wreck. I didn't know what to expect. I didn't know what I was going to say and what was going to happen. I needed to relax but I couldn't. When I reached the unit, I asked the secretary to give me Kellin's room number. She hesitated a bit but accepted when I told her I was his brother. I made my way to Kellin's room and totally lost it when I saw him in his bed. I thanked God that he was still alive, I didn't want to lose another person to suicide.

There were so many machines around him. He looked so fragile and vulnerable. He was so pale and skinny. He wasn't the happy guy I used to know, that guy was long time gone. I wanted the old him back. Not just for me, but for Kellin. I wanted him to be happy, just like I would want everybody else to be happy. He deserved everything good in this world and I felt like I was the one who actually took it all away from him. I was a monster, a cruel human being. I abandonned him when I should have been there for him. I broke up with him and acted like we never did. I acted like I never loved him when I actually loved him like crazy. He was my first love and he would always mean a lot to me. Yet, I acted like he was just some stranger I didn't care about. It was all my fault, I only had myself to blame. I took Kellin's hand in mine, thinking about all the things I was going to say to him.

I needed him to know how guilty I felt. I needed him to know how sorry I was and that I never meant for this to happen. I let out all of my emotions and I felt better after doing it. Even though Kellin didn't agree with me, I knew that I was a monster. I knew that I was an horrible human being and I couldn't deny it even if I wanted to. Kellin tried to say that it wasn't my fault, that I wasn't the one who told him to kill himself. Yet, I knew that it was my fault. I may not have been the one who made him swallow the pills, but I was the one who made him want to do it. It made it even worst knowing that I could have been the reason of his death. I wished I could turn back time and make things better for the both of us, but I couldn't.

Kellin took me by surprise when he hugged me. I didn't know what that hug meant, but I hugged him back. I needed some comfort and Kellin gave it to me. Nobody could hug like Kellin, his hugs always were so warm and comforting. I was crying in the crook of his neck while he just caressed my hair, trying to make me feel better. I didn't understand why he was being so nice to me. I didn't know why he didn't yell at me. But that was how Kellin was... He has always been a caring guy who loved comforting people. That was what I loved the most about him when he dated. He always had the right words to cheer me up, he always was there for me. And I was stupid enough to abandon him after we broke up, after everything that he did for me. When I was done crying, I went to leave the room, but Kellin grabbed my hand, seating me back next to him.

''Promise me that you will stop blaming yourself. I don't want you to blame yourself. I know it must have been hard for you at group meetings, to just...sit there and hear me talk about you. I'm sorry that you had to hear that, but I had to let it all out. I meant most of the things that I said, I won't lie to you. At first, I'll admit...I wanted to make you feel bad. But now that I see how guilty you feel, I regret it. I don't want you to see yourself as a monster, because you are not. It isn't your fault if I still love you, I'm the one to blame,'' Kellin said.

I could see that my words made him feel even worst. Kellin always hated making people feel sad, just like I did. He already had enough weight to carry on his shoulders, I didn't want to add more since more of this weight was there because of me. Even though I felt guilty, I decided that I would have to put on an act for Kellin. It was the right thing to do. The right thing to do was to be there for him and not abandoning again. That was what I was supposed to do, and that was what I was going to do.

''I promise,'' I replied. ''And don't feel sorry, it's okay. You're hurt and everybody hurts sometimes. So don't blame yourself. I won't blame yourself if you don't blame yourself, okay? We all have different lives and there is no one to blame for that.'' I was already good at playing this act, but it seemed to make Kellin a little happier.

''Okay,'' he said.

I stayed in his room for another 20 minutes where I talked to him about what we did at group meeting. It was the only thing that we shared now. I've known Kellin for so long, but it would be a lie to say that I still knew him. I couldn't say I knew him after being away from him for 5 years. I told him how Rian put on into teams and where we had to prepare some scenes with a specific theme. Kellin told me he was worried that he would be in trouble for missing a session. I tried to make him tell me why, but he refused. I understood his decision. Even though I wanted to be his friend again, I doubted that he wanted the same thing. He was nice to me, but that didn't mean that he wanted us to be friends again. It would be too hard for him to handle. When the visiting hours ended, I gave Kellin my phone number and asked him to text me if he ever needed anything. 

''I'll see you next week, I guess,'' I said nervously.

''Yeah, see you later Vic,'' Kellin replied. He gave me a small hug before letting me go. Maybe we would be okay, maybe time would let us fix things. Maybe we would be friends again, I really wished it would happen.

It was 10PM and I was pretty tired. I told Alex that I would be back by 11PM so I figured he would be happy to see me get home earlier. I loved Alex even though we argued more often that Kellin and I argued. Alex and I shared so many interests and I knew that we were meant to be. We loved each other enough to go through every obstacles that life put on our path. We were stronger after every fight and we weren't going to give up on each other for stupid little quarrels. We were in a serious relationship and I could picture myself getting old with him by my side. We would get married and adopt beautiful children. Alex wanted 4 while I wanted 2, so we compromised and decided that we would adopt 3 kids when the time would come.

But that time wasn't going to come. When I opened the door to our place, Alex was laying on the couch, but he wasn't alone. There was another guy on top him and they were kissing hungrily. They were so into their makeout session that they didn't even see me enter the room. I couldn't believe this, I couldn't believe that the guy I was in love with was cheating on me with none other than his ex, Jack Barakat. I felt my heart broke in millions of tiny little pieces. For the first time in my life, I really experienced what being heartbroken felt like and I absolutely hate it. I wasn't just sad, I was pissed off. I was pissed off that the boy I trusted the most in my life was actually playing behind my back by cheating on me with a guy he used to date.

''Oh my god,'' I yelled. Both of them stopped kissing and looked at me. Alex's eyes were filled with guilt while Jack just seemed surprised. 

''I'm going to go,'' Jack said. He got out of Alex and ran towards the door, not looking back behind him. By the time he was gone, Alex was crying heavily.

''V-Vic I-I'm so sorry,'' Alex said sadly.

''Sorry you got caught,'' I said harshly. ''I can't believe you actually cheated on me with Jack. I can't freaking believe it. Was it the first time that you cheated on me?'' Alex didn't reply. He simply looked away from me, and I got my answer.

''I thought you freaking loved me, but you never did. You were cheating on me, and you never felt guilty about it. I hate you so much Alexander William Gaskarth. I want you out right now. Pack your freaking stuff and stay away from me forever. You're an asshole and I can't believe that I didn't notice that something was going on behind my back. You're a jerk and I freaking hate you,'' I yelled.

Alex nodded and went to our room. He grabbed his suitcase and packed his clothes and his other stuff. Since this place was fine, he didn't have much things to pack. I was happy since I couldn't stand being in the same room as him. He finished packing after 15 minutes. I couldn't even look at him, I just wanted him gone. I wanted him gone from my house and from my life. He broke my heart and I wasn't okay at all. When Alex reached the door, he turned around and looked at me. I avoid his gaze but that didn't stop him from speaking.

''To answer your previous question, I've been cheating on you for two years. I know it hurts to hear, but you deserve the truth. Jack was my true love and I never really forgot about him, that was why one day after we met at a restaurant...we started talking again and we had this thing going on while I was still dating you. But I loved you Vic, I still do. I always loved you...but I also loved Jack. I guess you can never forget about your first love and I'm sorry for breaking your heart. It wasn't okay from me and I'm not asking for your forgiveness,'' Alex explained.

''Two freaking years? Wow. Just wow. I don't care if Jack is your first love. I had a first love too and I didn't go behind your back cheating on you with Kellin. I don't love Kellin anymore, you're the only I loved...well loved because I hate you so much right now. You ruined everything Alex. Now please leave, I don't want to see you ever again,'' I replied.

''Before I leave, just know that you've been talking about Kellin often in the past weeks. You seem to care more about him that you actually cared about me in the past weeks. So yeah, think about it. Maybe Kellin and I are not the only ones who didn't get over their first loves,'' Alex said before opening the door and leaving.

When he left, I fell down on my knees and bursted into tears. I lost everything, I lost the man that I love and I felt empty. I was also confused about what Alex said about Kellin? Could I still be in love with him? Probably not, because you don't go hurting people you love. I didn't know what to think, and I didn't really want to think at the moment. The only thing I wanted was to forget. The only thing I wanted was a beer...or ten.


	7. Chapter 7

Kellin's P.O.V.

I was able to go to the next group session since I was released from the hospital a few days after Vic visited me. The doctors were still very worried that I would try to kill myself again, but they had nothing to worry about. I realized that I didn't really want to die because if I did, I would never have had the chance to see the blue sky and the light again. I didn't to end my life in darkness and storm. I wanted to get better, I wanted to do something good with my life before ending it up. I had to find a purpose, and that purpose was to smile again. It wouldn't be easy, but I would have my mother to support me, the support group therapist Rian...and Vic. Even though it wouldn't always be easy, I wanted to count him as friend, I was starving to have a friend to talk to and Vic was offering me what I needed.

I was first shocked when Vic visited me at the hospital, but it went better than I actually thought it would. I didn't feel like crying or anything, I just enjoyed being around him. Sure, I wished he was still mine...but I was still glad that he was there and that he offered me his help. He sure felt guilty about everything that happened to me and that also made me feel guilty. Vic was an amazing young man and I didn't want him to be filled with regrets and guilt, he didn't deserve that. I messed up my own life by myself because certain events evolving Vic happened, Vic wasn't the one to blame...even though I spent years putting the blame on him. I guessed that little vacation in the hospital made me change my mind about multiple things. It made me realize that life must go on and that I had to fight once and for all.

Vic gave me his number after he visited me at the hospital. I spent a few days wondering if I should actually call him or not. I didn't want him to believe that I was obssessed with him or something. Well I kind of was, but I wanted this obssession to stop. I also didn't want him to feel forced to talk to me, maybe he just gave me his phone number to be nice when he didn't really want to be bothered by my problems and stuff. Still, I decided to call him one night but I got no reply. I left a message on his voicemail and he never returned my call. That was weird because I remembered Vic always returning calls as soon as possible. He didn't enjoy making people wait and he always felt bad when he did. So this situation wasn't normal. Either something was wrong with me or he really didn't want to talk to me. I opted for the second scenario because well...I was me and he was him.

When I got to the support group room, Vic was already there. I sat next to him and saw how horrible he looked. He looked so tired and exhausted. He looked so sad and vulnerable. Maybe something bad happened to him during the week explaining why he didn't call me back. Maybe it was bad. Vic didn't look like his happy usual self. He looked dead, like I did for so long. I wanted to ask him what was wrong, but I didn't want to bother him. I figured he would talk to me if he wanted to. Instead, I just gave his knee a comforting squeeze. He looked at me and gave me a small fake smile. I just wanted to hug him and tell him that it would get better, an advice that even myself had issues believing in.

''Welcome back group, I hoped you all had an amazing week. As usual, I'm going to ask you to raise your hand if you drank any quantity of alcohol this week,'' Rian said.

The ones who did raised their hands, and I wasn't one of those and I was proud. It has been so hard to resist, but I did. My mother helped me a lot by spending time with me or I would just go out for a run when I felt like drinking an entire bottle of wine. Though, Vic raised his hand. I should have had expected it by how sad he looked. He seemed ashamed when he really had nothing to be ashamed of. Everybody in the room had issues, he wasn't alone.

''Well, half of you did. We're doing progress guys and I'm all so proud of you. Even those of you who drank, I'm very proud of you because you are not afraid to show that you still need help. You're all very courageous and one day, no hands will be raised,'' Rian said. ''So, for today's activity, I'm going to ask you to pair up with another men. You will discuss about the best thing and the worst thing that happened to you this week and how you reacted to those events. You can pick your own partners since most of you seemed to have made friends already and it is always easier to talk to a friend. I'm going to give you 30 minutes to do this activity before we do something else.''

Vic looked at me, asking me silently if he could be his partner. I nodded and we stood from our chairs and headed to a more silent place in the room. I didn't know if Vic was going to tell me what was wrong with him, but I wished he would. If we were going to be friends again, it would be a good start. I've known him for years, he was anything but a stranger to me. We sat on the ground facing each other. I could see Vic felt like crying so I grabbed his hand in mine, giving him a little comfort.

''I will go first okay?'' I asked. Vic nodded as an answer.

''Ok, so the best thing that happened to me this week is probably when my mother and I baked some cookies together. It sounds childish but I really had fun. I was genuinely happy, not even thinking about my problems. I just felt peaceful and happy spending time with my mother. I'm thankful that she's always there for me and never giving up on me. I know I must be a pain in the ass sometimes, but she is always there and I know that she will never leave. So that is it for the best moment of my week. Want to tell me what was yours?'' I explained.

''I'm glad that you had a nice time with your mother, I always loved her,'' Vic replied weakly. ''As for me, my week's been awful so the only good moment I can think of is when I got drunk and forgot about my problems. About that...I'm sorry that I didn't call you back... It was selfish from me but I didn't want to talk to anybody.''

''You don't have to tell me about it if you don't want to,'' I assured him as I squeezed his hand a little tighter.

''No, I want to. I need to talk to someone, because the pain is getting way too heavy to carry on my shoulders. I need to let it all out, so will you please listen to me? As a friend and not as a stanger...I really could use a friend right now,'' Vic said.

I nodded and wondered what could have happened to put him in such a sad and vulnerable state. I had no idea what it could be, but I was happy that Vic trusted me enough to tell me. Maybe our growing new friendship would be the cure to our problems. They always said that friends are like family and that they can always make your life a whole lot better. Maybe Vic was the person I needed to that, and maybe I was the one he needed to do that as well.

''So eum...when I came back home after visiting you at the hospital last week...I-I caught Alex cheating on me with his ex...,So I broke up with him and yeah...Now I'm feeling miserable and like a big piece of shit,'' Vic explained sadly.

''You're kidding me right? How could he cheat on someone like you?'' I wondered.

I was trying to hide my anger. How could someone cheat on someone as perfect as Vic? I would have never done something as horrible as that. You don't go cheat on someone when you love them. Even though Vic broke my heart, I didn't feel any satisfaction knowing that he was now heart broken. He didn't deserve that, he didn't deserve to get cheated on by the boy he was in love with. That was unfair, like always was unfair.

''I guess I was not good enough, I was nothing compared to his ex, Jack. He was so perfect while I was...me,'' he answered.

''Don't you dare saying that you're not good enough Victor Vincent Fuentes. You are good enough and anybody would kill to be your friend or your boyfriend. You're an amazing boy who is always there for other people. You're smart, kind, funny, generous, beautiful from the inside and the outside...seriously you have nothing to envy that Jack guy. You deserve what's best in life and that Alex guy was clearly too blind to realize that you were a diamond and that he would never find someone better than you. It's his loss, and you deserve someone who will never do something horrible like that to you,'' I replied. I wanted to say someone like me, but that wasn't appropriate.

A few weeks earlier, I would not have hesitated in saying that he should be with someone like me, but I changed. Sure, I wanted to be with Vic, I always wanted to...but I realized that my life should not only be about him. I wanted him to be part of my life, but I would take him the way he wanted to. For now, he needed a friend. He needed someone to tell him that things would be okay, that he would be okay. I took him into my arms and hugged tightly. How I missed his hugs, nobody could hug like Vic Fuentes.

''Do you really mean all the things t-that you said, Kels?'' Vic whispered into my ears. I loved that he used my nickname, he actually was the only one to call me this way and it felt so good to hear it again.

''I meant all the things that I just said. You're an awesome boy Vic, don't doubt it,'' I replied.

''You're an awesome boy too Kellin. Thank you, it means a lot,'' Vic added.

''You're welcome Vic. That is what friends are there for, right?'' I asked.

''Yes, of course,'' Vic answered happily.

We spent the rest of the 30 minutes allowed to do the activity to talk about anything. It was like I was sent back in the past, like nothing had changed except that we weren't kissing and cuddling. It still was enough for him. I craved so many years to have my Vic back, and I finally had him. I wasn't going to let him go, I wasn't going to lose him twice. I was going to do my best to be a good friend to him, to be there for him when he would need me. And I knew that he would do the same. When we were together, Vic and I always thought about the other one's happiness before our own. We were like that, people of heart and kindness. We had problems and we needed a cure to heal them. And maybe, just maybe...finding our way back together was the cure we were both searching for.


	8. Chapter 8

After the group session where Vic told me Alex cheated on him leading them to break up for good, he and I have been texting each other all the time, day and night. It felt great to have someone to talk to, to have a friend like Vic. I've gone years without having anyone to talk to except my mother. I've been wishing to have someone who I could tell all my deepest secrets. After years of being on my own, life finally made my wish came true by bringing Vic in my life. Even though he was filled with sadness, he was still the same old Vic that I used to know. He was still the same guy that I fell in love with, the same guy with a gigantic heart and a beautiful soul. It was now so much easier to have him back in my life. I didn't feel any pain while texting to him or talking to him anymore. It just felt natural and right...like it was our destiny to find our way back to each other.

Vic and I would text each other mostly at night. Vic would text me everytime he had the urge to drink. Talking to me was distracting him and helping him. We would just text random things to each other or he would call me when the urges were bigger. There were nights where he would send S.O.S messages once while there were nights where he would send them thrice. He really wanted the poison, but he knew he couldn't. From what he told me, even though he felt like drinking dozens of bottles of Vodka, Vic didn't swallow a single drop of alcohol that week. I was very proud of him and I knew that it wasn't easy for him. He was resisting the temptation that his breakup caused. He was fighting like a warrior, a beautiful warrior. As for me, I was feeling better. I didn't have the urge to drink, nothing bad happened in my life recently to make me want to drink. Now that I had a friend, I knew that things would be better, like they used to be.

My mother seemed very happy to see my old smile coming back on my face. She was relieved because all she ever wanted was for me to be okay...and I was on my way there. I didn't tell her that it was because of Vic because she would have been mad. She saw me depressed for years because of that guy who was now my cure. She wouldn't be happy and she mostly would be scared. She would be afraid that Vic would cause me pain again and that I would be broken all and over again. My mother always was very protective of me and I knew that she wouldn't want Vic to be part of my life again. That was why I didn't tell about him. I just said that I met someone at group support and that we became great friends. It was the truth, I just forgot to mention who that guy was. That was why I told my mom that I was going to hang at my friend's house before going to group support instead of telling her that I was going to Vic's.

Vic and I decided to hang out a little before group support. He told me that he got this new videogame and that I basically was his only friend who loved videogames. I was flattered that he remembered. I haven't played them in years, but I was not going to miss the occasion to spend some time with Vic. I made my way to Vic's place, that place that once was mine as well. Nothing much changed except that the appartment building was now painted in blue instead of gray. It brought back so many memories and suprisingly, it didn't hurt. It just felt good to remember them, knowing that those things happened. I still remembered which appartment was Vic so I walked up the stairs until I reached the right floor. I walked in the hall until I reached his door and knocked. The door opened a few seconds later, revealing and happy but tired Vic.

''Hey Kels, come on in,'' Vic said as he let me enter.

Everything was the same. The walls were still of the same colour, the furnitures were all still at the same place, there was still this hole in the wall above the couch, etc. It was like I never left, that time never went by. It felt good being there. Even though Vic and I were not together, it felt good to be back in that place with him. It was the place where I felt the most secure with him in the past, and I knew that it would remain the same for our future together, as friends or more if life ever wanted to make me happy.

''Nothing changed, and it still smells the same. Wow,'' I mentionned as I sat on the couch.

''Yeah, I know. I never felt like changing stuff, I like my appartment the way it is. So, how are you doing today?'' Vic asked.

''I'm doing great I think, more than I used to. What about you? How are you feeling today?'' I answered.

''I've been better. Let's just say that I didn't catch much sleep. I was fighting the urge to drink. I was doing great when we were talking on the phone, but all the bad thoughts came back when we hung up. So yeah, I resisted the temptation but it was really hard. At least I did, and it makes me happy,'' Vic replied.

''You should have called me, even though it was 3 in the morning. I'm here for you if you need me okay? But I'm glad you didn't drink, I'm proud of you. So, care to show me that famous new game?'' I said.

''You're nice, thanks Kellin. And sure, get ready to lose,'' Vic replied.

''We'll see about that, loser,'' I added.

That was how our 3 hours gaming marathon started. The game was awesome. It wasn't that new because I've heard about it before and never had the chance to play. It was called Super Smash Bros and we played on Vic's Wii U console. I thought I would be very bad, but I wasn't. I've always been good at video games and I didn't lost that talent, if you could considered it as a talent. Vic and I played around 20 matches and I must have won 15 of them. I owed it all to Kirby, that fat little pink guy. I would only use one of his attacks and it was good enough to kill Vic all the time. He would use Olimar which I thought was the worst character of the game. But who was I to judge when I was playing as Kirby.

''Who's the best now? Tell me!'' I said happily.

''Fine, you are. Happy now?'' Vic replied.

''Very happy,'' I added. ''So there is one hour left before we head to group support. What should we do?''

''Let's play Truth or Dare!'' Vic proposed.

''Are we 13 or something?'' I replied laughing.

''More like 12,'' Vic teased. ''Come on, it will be fun. Remember how we used to play all the time when we were younger. Please, Kels, please do this for me.''

I did remember, Vic and I used to play that game all the time when we were bored. The game never last very long because we always ended up in a bed doing great things God would not approve. It would start and sweet and end sexy and nasty. It was a great time and I would never forget about it, never. Maybe it was a sign, maybe we had to play it once more.

''It sure was fun. Okay, let's play then. I'll go firt. Truth or Dare?'' I asked.

''Truth,'' Vic answered.

''Who was best in bed? Alex or me?'' I asked to make him uncomfortable.

''Well this is very akward...eum, you I guess,'' Vic replied nervously. ''Okay your turn, truth or dare?''

''Truth,'' I said. I was a chicken who never picked dare. It always made Vic mad, but I loved how he couldn't fake being mad at me. It was cute.

''Do you still hate me...?'' Vic asked sadly.

''I never hated you. I know I made you think I did, but I never hated you. I made myself believe that I hated you, but I was lying to myself. Sure, I was sad, angry and everything...but I could never hate you. And all the bad things I thought about you are in the past now. If they weren't, I wouldn't be in your appartment, sitting on your couch playing Truth or Dare, would I? Don't worry Vic, you're my friend now and I don't hate you. I care about you,'' I answered.

Vic nodded and gave my hand a small squeeze. He looked at me in the eyes and I could see fear and sadness into them, and I knew why those feelings were showing. He was scared that I would leave him. Even though he had other friends, I was the only person Vic talked to after Alex and him broke up. He was afraid to lose me like he lost Alex. I gave him a small smile and wrapped my arms around him to hug him. He wrapped his around me as well and we remained like that for a few minutes, just giving each other some comfort. This scene was so familiar, and it felt so right. It felt better than anything that happened in so long.

''Thanks for being there,'' Vic whispered as we stopped hugging each other.

''You're welcome. Want to keep playing?'' I replied. Vic nodded and gave me a smile, a genuine smile.

''Truth or Dare?'' I wondered.

''Dare,'' he said.

I had to ask it. I knew I was going to regret it and that it could cause me a lot of pain. My head told me not to, but my heart told me to. It was all or nothing. It could make me happy or sad, but it was worth the risk. I could lose Vic forever by saying this, but it was all I could think about. I couldn't think of an other dare, it was the only one that I had in mind and it wouldn't go away. In fact, I was hoping that Vic would say dare because I've been thinking about it since the game started. I had to let it all out, I just had to. I took a deep breath before opening my mouths and speaking the words that could change everything.

''Kiss me,'' I demanded.

Vic looked at me and didn't move. I could see shock in his eyes, he wasn't speaking at all. I ruined everything. He obviously didn't want to kiss me. I was stupid enough to think that he would want to. I waited for a few seconds in the hopes that he would do something, or at least say something but he didn't. I felt my eyes wattered, I couldn't stay there any longer. I went to stand up, but Vic grabbed my arm, sitting me back down on the couch. Before I knew it, his lips were on mine. He was actually kissing.

I kissed him back and I felt those butterflies I thought were dead in the bottom of my stomach. The kiss was first sweet and slow and it was awesome. It was how it used to be. Vic's lips felt the same on mine, tasted the same. I thought the kiss would end there, but it didn't. I felt Vic's tongue on my bottom lip, begging me to let it discover my mouth. Our tongues were fighting for dominance, Vic winning the battle easily. I could feel my heart beat so fast, it was filled with love. Love that never faded away after all those years. We kissed for minutes until we had to reach for air. Vic looked at me and smiled, not showing any signs of regrets.

''That was...wow,'' Vic said.

''Yeah it was,'' I confirmed.

''I-I can't believe that I ever let you go,'' Vic added.

''Please win me back,'' I begged.

''I will,'' he replied.

And we kissed again until we had to go to our weekly meeting. I never thought that this support group would help me get better. I found help in there, I found a cure. But my cure wasn't the wise words of our therapist or all the documents that it made us read. My cure was another boy who was also searching for his cure. My cure was Vic Fuentes, the one who used to be my poison. He was the cure to his own poison and I was never going to let him go.


	9. Chapter 9

A week passed since Vic and I kissed while playing truth or dare and I couldn't stop thinking about this amazing moment. It was just perfect, I had all of those tiny butterflies errupting from my stomach. It was a feeling that I missed so much and that I thought I would never experienced again because only Vic could give it to me. Yet, it happened and it made me happier than ever. Even though it was just a few kisses, it was enough to me. After years of craving for Vic's affection, I got some and it was all that mattered. I enjoyed the moment and I believed Vic too. His words never left my mind, how he said that he didn't understand why he ever let me go. I just wished he would never let me go again, that he would not leave my side once again. I needed him, and I figured he needed me too. 

We didn't talk about the kiss after it happened and we didn't kiss again. Things were not akward between us, we just dropped the topic. I could feel that we were closer though. Whenever we would spend time together, I would catch him staring at me or he would catch me staring at him. We would hug a lot, needing the other's touch on our skin. I didn't know where we stood, and it was okay. We needed time and we didn't want to rush things if something had to happen between us. There was Vic who was still a little heartbroken and who needed time to get better. There was me who was madly in love with Vic, but who still was insecure that he would break my heart again. He broke it in the past and could break it all over again. I hoped he wouldn't, I trusted him. Time would work its magic and if it wanted us to be together, together we would be. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but someday we would.

I was currently at the mall spending some quality time with my mother. She was very happy to see me being joyful again, she was so glad that I was on the right track again. I still had my downs, but they weren't as recurrent as before. There was basically nothing to make me feel low. I had a supportive mother who loved me unconditionnaly and a great friend who, even though made me feel horrible for years, made me feel important and wanted. I still didn't tell my mother about Vic and I felt like I would never tell her unless things between Vic and me got pretty serious again. I didn't want her to get worried. I wanted her to stay positive and happy. I wanted her to keep the faith that I was okay and that I would always be. If Vic and I ever dated again, I knew that she would be mad at first. She would accept it with time because she always wanted me to be happy. If Vic could make me happy once again, she would tolerate it and just be glad that I found love.

My mother and I were at the mall because I decided that I wanted a job. I didn't have experience so I knew it would be difficult to find a great one. I only had my high school diploma and some tiny work experience from when I was a teenager. I hoped some shop would give me a chance, that they would see some great things in me. My mother helped me to make my resumé and insisted to come with me to handle it to different boutiques in the mall. I didn't really want her to come because I was afraid that people would think I was a loser for needing my mother's help. But my mother was wise and waited outside of the shops where I gave my resumé. I musy have handled 15 of them and really hoped that one of the boutiques would call me back. I wanted money, I wanted to do something with my life. I was done with being the loser who spent his days doing nothing. Well, I wasn't doing nothing anymore because I had Vic. We would hang out when he didn't work, which was pratically every night. 

My mother and I were in the food court eating some pizza. We talked about different subjects, mostly the group support I was attending. I barely talked to her about it but she really wanted to know how things were going. I told her everything that I could remember and forgot to mention about Vic...or maybe I did it on purpose. My mother smiled when I told her that I've been sober for a while. She was very proud of me and gave my hand a soft squeeze to prove it. She was the greatest. If I have had to fall on a mean mother who didn't support me, I probably wouldn't have made any progress. I always wanted to change for my mother, she was the main reason why I wanted to get better. As the weeks went by, I realized that I also wanted to change for myself. I wanted to be a better me. And...I also wanted to change for Vic. I wanted to be a better person, someone he would deserve. Speaking of Vic, I checked my phone while my mother was in the restroom and saw that he sent me a message a few minutes ago to which I replied.

From: Vic <3 : Hey...What are you doing right now...?

To: Vic <3 : Hi! I'm at the mall with my mother. Is anything wrong?

I waited for him to text me back which he did in a matter of seconds.

From: Vic <3: I don't know...there's something I need to do and I don't feel like doing it alone. Do you think I can pick you up at the mall in 15 minutes?

To: Vic <3 : Yeah, I'll tell my mother one of my friends needs me. I'll meet you at the Target entrance okay?

From: Vic <3 : Thanks Kels, I really appreciate it. See you later xx

My mother came back a few minutes later and I told her that a friend just texted me saying he needed my help. I kept my friend's name a secret and my mother didn't seem to care. She just smiled and said she was happy that I made a friend and I deserved it. We finished eating our food until it was time for me to go. I gave my mother a big hug and a kiss on the cheek before I made my way to Target and waited outside for Vic to pick me. I wondered what was wrong. Maybe he just felt like drinking and needed me to distact him? Or maybe he was just bored. Whatever it was Vic needed, I was going to be there for him. Friends can count on each other and Vic was my friend. He would always be able to count of me. 

Vic showed up a few minutes later. I got on the passenger seat and Vic didn't even look at me. I could see that he was crying. I didn't bother asking him what was wrong because I understood when I saw a bunch of flowers on the back seat. I grabbed Vic's hand in mine and we remained silent until we reached our destination. The car was filled with the sound of music and Vic's sobs that were so hard to hear. I just wanted to hug him and make him feel better but it wasn't what he needed at the moment. He needed someone to be there for him in this difficult moment. And I was going to be that person. When we reached our destination, we got out of the car. Vic grabbed the flowers with one hand and grabbed my hand with his free one. We walked into the cemetery until we reached his brother's stone. Vic was shaking. He took a deep breath before he spoke.

''Happy B-Birhtday Mike. You would be 23 today, we would p-probably be throwing this big party for you to celebrate the fact that you're g-getting old. But you're not there. I miss you s-so much Mikey. You'll always be my little brother and l-life wihtout you is so hard and I d-don't think it will ever be easy,'' Vic said. He looked at me before he spoke again.

''T-There are people helping me though. There's Kellin, you remember K-Kellin right? He's been a great friend to me in the past weeks. I realize that I missed him a lot wihtout knowing I did. I wished he had been there sooner, I could have used his friendship and his caring side in the past years. Anyway, if you can hear me f-from wherever you are, know that I love you Mike and that I will always do. May you rest in peace forever and one day, I'll find my way back to you. The Fuentes brothers can never be seperated forever,'' Vic added.

He placed the flowers on Mike's tombstone and took a step back. He took a deep breath and took me in his arms, hugging me tightly. I hugged him back and we stayed in that position for minutes. Vic wasn't crying anymore, he just need comfort. He needed someone to make him feel that things would be okay and I was that someone. 

''Thanks for coming with me Kels,'' Vic whispered in my ear.

''You're more than welcome,'' I replied. 

When we stopped hugging each other, Vic took my hand and led me to a small bench on the other side of the cemetery. It was facing a beautiful lake and I figured Vic must have been coming there very often just to think or clear up his mind. We sat side by side, his hand never leaving mine, our fingers intertwined. We were both facing the lake until Vic surprised me by kissing my cheek tenderly. 

''What was that for?'' I asked.

''For so many things. I'm going to be honnest with you right now. Just let me finish until you say anything okay?'' Vic answered. 

''Okay,'' I replied.

''So...Ever since you found your way back in my life, things changed for the best. You helped me smile again even though you didn't want to let me in at first. I don't know...I just really needed to be part of your life again, like I just needed you so much. I'm still so sorry for everything that happened in the past. The past can't be erased but I hope we can push it away. I miss you Kellin. Like I said back there, I didn't know that I actually missed you until I saw you that first time at group support. And now, I understand why I did miss you. You are the person who understood me the most in my entire life, and you still do. You've always been so caring, so sweet, so gentle. You're a perfect boy who I've been stupid to let go. I was still young and dumb. I shouldn't have broken up with you, it was the biggest mistake that I've made. I just really need you Kellin. Maybe you don't believe me and I can't blame you. I hurt you and that's a thing I will never forgive myself even though you did. I want what we once had. I want us. I want to make you feel loved, I want to hug you and kiss you, I want to make you mine. I want everything as long as it's with you...,'' Vic explained.

I was speechless and didn't know what to say. It was a good speechless state. I was so happy and could feel my heart beat so fast and loud. Vic just admitted that he wanted me back in his life, that he wanted me to be his boyfriend again. He didn't say it clearly, but that was what he meant by saying all of those beautiful things. I didn't know what to answer with words so I kissed him as an answer instead. I leaned in and place my lips on his delicate ones and he soon kissed me back. It was a sweet and loving kiss, the best kind of kiss. It was filled with happiness, love, faith and trust. We kissed for a few minutes. It felt like a dream, a dream that I've made for so many nights. It was finally happening, it was all real. When we stopped kissing, I needed more. I couldn't get enough. Vic and I both smiled until he spoke again.

''I promise to never hurt you again. I promise to always be there for you no matter what happens. I promise to support you in your decisions. I promise to love you as much as I can. I love you Kellin Quinn and I guess I never stopped loving you. Will you be my boyfriend again? Forever this time,'' Vic proposed.

''There's nothing else that I want more than being your boyfriend again because I love you too and I never stopped loving you,'' I agreed happily.

We hugged and kissed again. That was how we spent the rest of the day. Two boys who thought life would never get better now realized that their cure wasn't so far away from them. Two boys who were broken finally found what was missing in their lives to make them happy once again. Vic was my boyfriend again and I felt like we've never been seperated before. The past was in the past and the future was in front of us, our future was in front of us. It was going to be bright and perfect, like it was meant to be from the start.


	10. Chapter 10

A week passed since Vic admitted his love for me. 7 days went by since since Vic asked me to be his boyfriend. I couldn't believe Vic was my boyfriend again. It was the best feeling in the whole world to finally have him back, that he was finally mine again. I've been dreaming for this day for years and my dream finally came true. Vic and I were back on track, we were back together like we were supposed to be. Everything was absolutely perfect between us, it was like nothing has changed. We were still the younger us, we were just a little more mature and old. Our love for each other didn't change. In fact, it was probably bigger and deeper than it used to be. Vic proved it to me a few days ago after he took me to this beautiful restaurant. He wanted to take me on a date and I was not going to deny him. I wanted to spend as more time as possible with him and going on a date was the perfect occasion to be around my marvelous, beautiful and incredible boyfriend. The night was amazing and it ended in the most romantic and beautiful way possible.

****3 days ago****

''I love you so much Kellin Quinn, so so much,'' Vic whispered in the middle of our makeout session.

''I love you more Vic Fuentes, you're everything to me,'' I replied happily.

After leaving this fancy restaurant, Vic and I wanted to hang more. The food there was so delicious, yet so expensive. Since I didn't have much money yet, Vic insisted to pay for the both of us. I felt bad about it but I knew that I would soon be able to aford paying for him. I now had a job at a music store at the mall and it was great. That was kind of why Vic took me on a date. He wanted to celebrate my new job. When we left the restaurant, we decided to go to Vic's place and watch a movie. We just wanted to spend some quality time together while watching a cute romantic movie. We opted for Friends with Benefits since we both loved Justin Timberlake. Let's just that we didn't really watch it. We probably stopped paying attention to it after 5 minutes when Vic attacked my new with soft kisses.

''I just want to make you feel good. I just want to make you feel special. I just...I just want to make love to you,'' Vic said.

''Please do. There is nothing I want more than being close to you,'' I replied.

Nothing else was said because words didn't have their place in the situation. Vic did not waste a second in capturing my lips back with his, kissing me passionately and hungrily. I just needed him so much, I needed to be as close as possible to him and it was going to happen. After years of wanting this, it was finally going to happen. We kissed for minutes until we both needed to reach for air. I needed more, I needed so much more and Vic read my mind by looking into my eyes. He began kissing me down my jaw until he reached my neck. Neck kisses was probably my biggest turn on along with being looked at deeply in the eyes. Vic attacked my neck with sweet kisses. He kept kissing and bitting a little, just the way I liked it. A quiet moan escaped my mouth when he got to my soft spot. Vic smiled and only sucked it harder and licking it to make it feel better. 

''You're the most beautiful in the world,'' Vic whispered. 

''No, it's you. I-I need you Vic, please,'' I added.

A few seconds later, our clothes were all around the floor. I looked at my boyfriend, and he was so handsome, so perfect. And he was all mine, only mine. I shifted us so I was on top. I remembered Vic loving this, and I wanted this night to be perfect for the both of us. I kissed him from his neck down to his member. I just wanted to make him feel good. He gave me that look full of lust, only turning me on even more than I already was. I slowly kissed and licked the tip of his already hard member gaining a little moan from him. There were no sexier sounds than Vic's moans. I licked him from base to tip before wrapping my mouth around him and sucking him all the way in, like the perfect boyfriend I was.

''D-Damn, Kels. I forgot you were so g-good at this,'' Vic said.

And he was right. You could say that giving blowjobs was my special talent while Vic's was making me scream so loud. I looked at him deeply in the eyes and went slow at first. I made sure to pay a special attention to his tip everytime I came back up. I was certainly doing a great job because Vic tangled his fingers in my hair. I got the clue that he needed more and I was going to give him exactly what he wanted. I quickned my movements, bobbing my head up and down as fast as I possibly could. His grip in my hair became harder and tigher, he was truly enjoying this. I was probably enjoying this more than he was. I always loved pleasuring vic. That was the only thing I wanted, making him feel good.

''S-Stop Kels or I-I'm going to come,'' Vic begged.

I did as told. As soon as he was out of my mouth, Vic shifted us so he was back on top. I loved his dominant side, I loved how he could take control and still be so attentive and loving. He kissed me again and I kissed back with so much enthusiasm. Kissing him was one of my favorite activities, but I needed more than that at the moment, so much more.

''I-I need you,'' I whispered.

Vic stopped kissing me and got out of bed only to come back with a condom and a little bottle of lube. He got back on top of me and lubbed his fingers so he could prepare me. He knew that it has been a while since I had sex and he was being very caring about it. I soon felt one of his fingers entering me and it felt great. Vic let me adjust a little until he entered one more finger. It wasn't painful, but it didn't feel great either. He let me adjust again until he started moving his fingers and hit a specific spot inside of him that made me moan loudly.

''Feeling good baby?'' Vic teased.

''Y-Yes, please d-do it again Vic,'' I replied.

Vic nodded and did it once again me moan again and again. I was loud in bed and Vic loved it. He was so attractive and perfect. And he was all mine, forever. He soon removed his fingers out of me and I felt so empty without them in me. Vic grabbed the condom and went to rip it open, but I took it from him. I ripped it open and rolled into into his big and hard member. I needed him so much and I could tell from the look in Vic's eyes that he needed me as much. I grabbed the little bottle of lube and poured some of the liquid into my hand before stroking him, sliding all over his member as I gave him a teasing and flirty smile.

''S-Stop baby or I w-won't last long,'' Vic warned.

I took my away away from him and was pushed back down on the bed as Vic positionned himself correctly on top of me. And finally, he entered me slowly at first. He started going a few inches in and kept going until he was all the way in. He didn't move at first letting me adjust to him. It wasn't painful, I was just feeling incredible. This moment was simply going to be amazing and it was all ours. 

''Are you okay love?''Vic wondered.

''I-I'm more than okay baby. Please move,'' I begged.

Vic smiled at me and started moving as he leant down to kiss me. He moved out and pushed back in, hitting a bunch of nerves and making me moan loudly. It was absolutely perfect. This wasn't just about sex, it was about making love to each other. It was even better than what I remembered, I didn't want this moment to end. 

''Please go faster,'' I begged.

Vic didn't have to be asked twice because he wanted the exact same thing. He smiled and started going faster and harder, just like I asked for. This was amazing, I've never felt so good in my entire life. There was nothing better than having the love of your life making love to you. There was nothing as incredible as being as close to a person you wanted to spend the rest of your life with. I wouldn't have traded this moment for anything in the entire world. 

''Mhmmm fuck Vic,'' I moaned as he hit that one spot that got my whole body shivering, that spot that made me lose control. Vic knew he was doing something right so he kept hitting that one spot over and over again, making me turn into a moaning mess. Everytime he hit that bunch of sensible nerves, he made me cry in pleasure. 

''You feel so incredible around me,'' Vic said, breathing heavily.

''Fuck Vic, I love you so much, mhmmm,'' I replied.

Vic kept going faster and faster, harder and harder. He planted his lips back on mine before attacking my neck with kisses, making me moan every single time. I couldn't stop the sounds coming out of my mouth, I was a moaning mess, Vic's moaning mess. I could feel that familiar feeling growing inside of me, the best feeling in the whole world.

''T-Touch me V-Vic, I-I'm close,'' I begged.

''Mhmm me too,'' Vic groaned as he grabbed my more than hard member and flicked his wrist up and down, bringing me to edge at the second. 

''T-Together,'' Vic pleaded.

''Mhmmm Vic,'' I moaned desperately. 

Two more thrusts into me and we were both reaching our climax. We exploded in a fit of moans and groans. I fell on top of him, still trying to catch my breath. Vic slowly slid out of me, giving me a wonderful and genuine smile, the same kind of smile I had on my face.

''Wow,'' I said.

''Amazing,'' Vic replied. '' I-I missed this so much.''

''Me too. I love you Vic,'' I added.

''I love you too Kellin,'' he replied.

****Present****

The next morning, Vic and I discussed an important topic. We were still on Cloud 9 and we couldn't keep our hands off each other. I just wanted to be near him, I didn't want to leave him anymore. I felt my heart beat so fast when Vic asked me to move in with him. It was fast but I didn't mind. I accepted his offer, I wanted to live with him. I wanted to fall asleep next to him and wake up in his arms every morning. We may have just started dating again, but I knew Vic more than I knew anybody else in the world. And Vic knew me more than every one else on the planet. It was the right thing to do, that was how things were supposed to be. I just had to announce my mother and I didn't know how. I told Vic that I would move in with him as soon as I found the courage to tell my mother. I didn't seem to find that courage, but it had to be done. 

''I-I have something to tell you,'' I said as we were at the table, eating dinner.

''Sure, what is wrong?'' She asked.

''I-I have a boyfriend now...and he wants me to move in with him. And I said yes,'' I answered.

''How long have you been with the guy? Do I know him?'' My mother wondered.

''It's Vic...'' I said nervously. My mother's eyes widened and I could see that she wasn't approving this.

''Vic? The same Vic who broke your heart years ago?'' She asked curiously.

''Yes mom...I know it sounds weird...but that is what I want. W-We found our way back to each other at group support. We started talking again and we just both realized that we still loved each other, that we were supposed to be together. It just happened and I'm happy. I know I'm taking risks but I'm 25 now...I can take care of myself. I'm feeling better now, I'm feeling confident. And... I want my mother to be happy for me even if she's very protective,'' I answered.

''All I want is you to be happy Kellin. I-I may not be a fan of Vic, but if you trust him...I guess I will have to trust him again. You've been so happy and different those past weeks, I now understand why. I hope he treats you right because you deserve what is best. If Vic is the love of your life, go for it. I'm not stopping you. I love you Kellin and you'll always be my baby boy,'' my mother added.

It was the answer I was looking for to make me feel okay. I stood up from my seat and went next to my mom to hug her. Life was finally smiling to me, life was finally giving me a chance to be happy once again, to smile again. Vic and I were going to move together and have the lifte that we deserved.


	11. Chapter 11

A month went by since Vic and I started dating and things were going for the best. I was the happiest guy in the world. How couldn't I be when I was with the best boy in the entire world. He was always so caring, so loving. He was the same old Vic that I first fell in love with many years ago. He was the same angel that made me feel incredible things. He was the same incredible human being that knew how to make you feel special. Vic was everything to me, I couldn't have asked for a better boyfriend. We had our rough times in the past, but we forgot about it. He sure hurt me, but he was there now and that was all that really mattered to me. The past was in the past and we only focused on our present and future together. It was going to be beautiful, how it was meant to be from the start. Vic was all I needed to be happy and it seemed like I was everything he needed to be as well. We were each other's cure, the one and only ingredient that could make the pain go away and chase away the tears.

Vic and I still attended group support which would soon be over. We both didn't feel the need to go anymore, but we still did. As for me, I didn't really have the choice since it was the judge's order. It just gave me another occasion to spend some quality time with Vic. I was proud of ourselves because we both didn't drink a single drop of alcohol since we got together. We didn't need it an we knew how to fight the urges. There were sure times where we wanted it, it wasn't that easy for us to get rid of an addiction. There were times where we thought about sad events of our past making us want to drink. Drinking used to be our cure to chase away the pain, but things changed. We never let tempatation win over us. We found ways to distract ourselves when the temptation was getting too big, too hard to handle. We would watch some shows on Netflix, we would go out for a long walk together or we would just cuddle and make out in bed which was one of my favorite things to do with Vic. All moments spent with him were incredible, from the smallest to the most romantic ones.

My mother still was very supportive of my relationship with Vic. It sure wasn't what she expected from me, but she was happy for me like the great mom she was meant to be. She was protective, yet she let me take my own decisions. I knew that she would always be there for me if I ever had downs again. But I knew it would not happen. My happiness was only going to grow bigger and bigger with Vic by my side. There were nights where my mother invited Vic over for dinner and they were getting along very well. They already knew each other since Vic and I dated in the past but so many things happened in the last years that they didn't really know each other very well anymore. I was glad when my mother told me that she liked Vic and that he was a very nice guy. She said that we looked perfect together and that she hoped that things would last forever between us. She also said that she would not hesitate in punching and hunting if he ever hurt me again. My mother was not a violent person until it came to me. She would not hesitate in hurting someone that hurt me first. How I loved her.

Today was a special day for Vic and I. I worked a lot in the past month, almost every single day. I was supposed to work only a few hours per week, but I spoke with my boss and he made me a full-time employee which made me very happy. I wanted to make the most money possible because I only had one goal in mind. With the help of my mother who so kindly offered me some money, I was finally going to move in with Vic. I was going to live in his appartment from now on. I wanted to make money because there was no way I was going to let him pay for everything. I also wanted to take our time and not rush things. But moving with him felt like the right thing to do since I was always at his place or he was always at mine. I was so excited. The few belongings I was going to bring at Vic's were all packed. I was sitting in the kitchen with my mother, waiting for Vic to pick me up. My mother was crying and it broke my heart a little.

''Don't cry mom, it's okay,'' I assured her as I put my arm around her shoulder.

''I know baby. I'm just...This house is going to be empty without you. But know that I'm very happy for you. I'm so glad that you found what you've been looking for. It's so good to see you smile again, that the old and real is back. And I really hope that it is there to stay. I wish you all of the best things because you deserve nothing less than that. I love you Kellin and you'll always be my little baby, my son. But it's time to you to use your wings and let the wind take you wherever you need to be,'' my mother replied.

I had tears in my eyes, my mother was always good at making me cry. I stood up from seat and hugged her tightly. That woman meant so much to me, she helped me be who I was at that moment. She turned me into a great man and she never gave up on me. She was always there for me and she never judged me. She always accepted my decisions and she always respected my wishes even though they weren't always the smartest and best ones. She was a perfect mother for me. Even though we fought sometimes, I would never have traded her for any other mother. I had the best mother in the entire world and nobody was going to make me change my mind. We hugged for minutes until we heard the loud noise of a car horn, Vic's car horn. I gave my mother a kiss on the cheek before breaking the hug.

''Call me and visit me whenever you want Kellin. I will always be there for you,'' she said as I grabbed the big box on the floor.

''I sure will. Thanks for everything mom. Seriously, I don't know what I would have done without you. You were always there for me when nobody else was. I will never be thankful enough. I owe it all to you mom, you're amazing and I love you,'' I replied.

''I love you son. Now go, Vic's waiting for you. Be safe,'' she said.

''I will, bye mom,'' I replied as I opened the door and was met with the fresh air.

Vic was out of his car, waiting for me. The box was so heavy that I could not walk fast. Vic laughed a little and walked towards me and helped me carry the box like a perfect gentleman. I felt like this was all a dream. I could barely realize that I was actually moving in with Vic, my precious and perfect boyfriend. Vic put the box in the backseat before kissing me tenderly, like he always did. His lips were an addiction, his kisses were a drug. It was an addiction that I loved and that I would keep forever. I got in the passenger's seat as Vic got in the driver's seat and we headed to his appartment, our appartment. It was so crazy. We were actually going home, to our home. I knew that this was my home, it was meant to be from the start. Life finally stopped being an arrogant and selfish jerk and finally let Vic and I be happy together. All my happiest were spent with him. I needed him to be happy.

When we got to the familiar appartment building, Vic and I got out of the car. I went to grab my box full of random stuff, but Vic didn't let me to. He grabbed my hand and led me to the entrance. I loved where this was leading. He went up the stairs rapidly and I could tell that we wanted the exact same thing. When we reached Vic's or should I say our floor, Vic made us ran until we reach the appartment. Vic opened the door and seconds later, we were in the appartment. Vic closed the door behind us and pushed me against it before kissing me passionately. Yes, I really loved where this was going to lead. I wrapped my arms around his neck and he wrapped his around my waist. I kissed him back with as much enthusiasm. Our tongues were fighting for dominance, but it was a fight I could not win. My hands soon travelled down Vic's body until they reached his pants. I needed him, I needed him as close to me as possible. But I was stopped when Vic pushed my hands aways.

''Not n-now,'' Vic said as he stopped kissing me.

''Why? I need you Vic,'' I replied.

''I-I know, I need you too Kels, so much. But there is something I need to do and say first,'' he added.

''Okay...'' I said nervously.

He moved his hand away from me only to reach the back pocket of his black skinny jeans. A few seconds later, there was a tiny white box in his hand. Vic took a deep breath and opened it. I could not believe my eyes. There was a ring in the box, an actual ring. I was so confused, yet so happy. I felt like crying but I had to let Vic speak first. I needed to know more.

''This is a promise ring. I-I know that I gave you one in the past and that I broke all of my promises and I'll never be sorry enough for that. You were everything I needed to be happy and I let you go. It was dumb and I'm still very sorry about it. Now that I have you back in my life, I know that I want to spend the rest of my life with you. It was you from the start, it was us from the start and I was too blind to see it. You're everything to me, Kellin. You're the first one who put a real and genuine smile on my face since Mike died. You're the first one who really cared about me and didn't judge me. You understand me better than everybody else in this big and messed up world. You helped me fight an addiction that I believed I would never get rid of. You helped me be a better me only in a couple of months. I love you Kellin Quinn, more than words can explain. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to wake up with you by my side every morning for the rest of my life. I want to kiss you good night every day, I want to hug as many times as humanly possible. I want to do everything with you. You're special and you're one of a kind. I'm so glad that you are mine and I hope that you will let me be yours until the end. I promise to love you as much as I possibly can. I promise you to make you feel like the most important human being in the entire world. I promise to make you happy and to always be there for you in your hapiness and sadness. Will you let me keep this promises?'' Vic said.

I could not stop crying, this was too beautiful to be true. I remembered when he first gave me a promise ring in the past and it was nothing compared to this moment. It was simply perfect, I trusted every single words that Vic said to me. At that moment, he really did make me feel happy, loved and special. I wanted to be his forever and ever. I didn't want to spend another day without him by my side. He was all I needed to be happy, we were meant to be from the start. We were meant to be since the first day we met in high school. I gave Vic my best smile and nodded. There was nothing else that I wanted more than being loved by Victor Vincent Fuentes. Vic grabbed the ring and put it into my ring finger. I looked at it and it was so pretty. On it, it was written Kellic and I laughed at the word. When we were younger, Vic and I used to call ourselves this way. We were two persons in one. I grabbed Vic's face between my hands and kissed him tenderly.

''I love you so much,'' I said into the kiss.

''Not as much as I do. You're my everything,'' he replied.

''You're the oxygen that fills my lungs,'' I added.

And the kiss went by like that, just saying cute stuff to each other. It was a perfect moment that I was never going to forget for the rest of my life.


	12. Chapter 12

I was missing my mother. Even though things were absolutely perfect with Vic, I did miss her. I used to have her around everyday and not go a day without seeing her. A week passed since Vic and I moved together and I really wanted to see my mother. I didn't think that it would be that hard to move from her house. I thought it would be awesome since I was going to be with Vic all the time. It sure was incredible to live with Vic and to have him by my side everyday. We didn't argue yet and things were only going for the best. It was the best thing to fall asleep next to him and to wake up with a morning kiss. It was amazing to just watch some shows or movies with him. I loved my new life and I would not have traded it for anything else in the world. I just missed my mother and it felt weird to be away from her. I must have called her every night since I moved with Vic. I really was mommy's boy. But I loved my mom. She was an amazing woman, the best mother in the entire world. And she was all mine, forever.

Since Vic had something to do with his old friends tonight, I decided to take my mother out. I knew how she loved sushis, so I decided that we would go eat to some fancy restaurant where they sell them together. It was the great thing about finally having money, thanks to my job. I was finally able to pay for people and offer them some stuff. After everything that my mother did for me in twenty-five years, she sure deserved that I take her out to eat one of her favorite meal in the entire world. She handled me at my worst and never gave up on me. That was the least she deserved. I would have given the moon if it had been humanly possible. My mother was very happy about my proposition, though she insisted that she could pay for her meal. I so wasn't going to let her to, but I didn't feel like arguing with her over the phone. I could not wait to see her. It was going to be a great night for the both of us. One of my favorite persons in the world was out doing I don't know what so I was going to spend an amazing night with one of my other favorite persons in the world.

My mother and I met at the restaurant at 7PM. I was smart enough to make a reservation since I knew that this restaurant was very popular and that it was pratically impossible to eat there without a reservation. Lot of people ate there, mostly on Friday. There were reasons why this was the most popular and fantastic restaurant in town to eat some sushis and other japaneese meals. When I got to the restaurant, my mother was already there. She looked absolutely beautiful. She was wearing a beautiful black dress with some high heels that made her taller than me. I got my looks for her, like mother like son. I gave her a big hug and a kiss on the cheek before we entered the restaurant where we were going to have an amazing time together. This was one of the first times that my mother and I actually went somewhere together other than some cheap restaurants like McDonald. It was new and I loved it. Who wouldn't love spending quality time with their mother? I gave my name to the waitress and she led my mother and I to our table. The waitress handed us the menus and said she would be back in a few to take our orders. I already knew what I was going to take. Not being a big fan of sushis, I always ate the same thing so I was certain that I would love it.

''So, how are things going with Vic?'' My mother asked happily as she kept looking at her menu.

''Things are going fine. I'm very very happy with him. We never argue, well we didn't yet. He is very caring and I love him very much. I know that he hurt me in the past, but he's the right guy for me. He's my one true love,'' I answered.

''Seeing you happy makes me happy as well. You are yourself again. You are smiling again, you are laughing again. I can finally see your eyes shine again. Vic brought back the old you, the real you. As your mother, knowing that you are feeling great again is the best gift that life could ever give me,'' she added.

''I'm feeling like myself again. I really am feeling better. I love you mom,'' I said.

We kept talking until the waitress came back to take our orders. My mother ordered so many things. She ordered 1 wong-tong soup, 5 pieces of shrimp makis, 5 pieces of salmon makis, 2 tuna nigris, 4 egg rolls and 6 pieces of crab hosomakis. As for me, I simply ordered 6 pieces of avocado hosomakis, 5 pieces of tuna makis and 4 egg rolls. I didn't understand how my mother could eat so much and yet, remain so skinny. I was like her. I wasn't the type of guy to gain weigh easily. Though, I ate less than my mother. She could be a real pig when she started. Once, she cooked some tacos and she ate 8 of them while I ate only 3. And she didn't even feel sick after that. She even ate some sugar pie later that night and was still hungry after that. I didn't want to imagine how she would look if she was pregnant, it sure would be pretty horrible. She would probably end up eating an entire elephant, or two. Maybe three, who could tell?

The night went by very quickly. It was great spending time with my mother, finally talking about other stuff than my depression and my alcoholic issues. We were able to talk about our jobs, our love lives, etc. My mother told me that she might have met someone but that she wanted to wait before really giving some of her time to make the relationship work. She said she wanted to make sure I was okay first because I would always come first in her life. She deserved to be happy so I told her to go ahead. She deserved to have a man in her life that would treat her like a princess. She deserved to have someone by her side who would love her unconditionnaly. She deserved to have her own Vic Fuentes, she deserved all the love in the world. I wished nothing but the best for my mother. I hoped that this man would be a better man that my father. I hoped that this man would prove my mother than love truly exists if you find the right soul for you.

The clocked ticked 10 and I could see that my mother was a little tired. We decided to call it a night, an amazing night. I went to the bathroom and warned my mother not to pay for anything. She wasn't very happy about it, but she agreed. This was her night, there was no way I was going to let her spend a single dollar. I made it quick as soon as I could in the bathroom because it smelled terrible. Some men can't handle fish I figured. When I came back in the main room of the restaurant, many people were standing and panicking. I didn't know what was happening. I was gone for two minutes and it was enough for something to happen. As I got closer to my table, I realized what was happening. My heart broke when I saw my mother laying on the floor, totally unconscious. I pinched myself, I had to wake up. This couldn't be real. Unfortunately, it was. My mother wasn't moving at all, she looked dead. Her face was all in pain, she didn't look peaceful at all. Her smile was gone. I started crying and collapsed on my knees. Why was this happening? Did life really hate me? I couldn't lose my mother, I just couldn't. A few minutes later, she was taken away by the paramedics. I wanted to follow them, but I couldn't. I was too weak, too shocked. My mother was taken to the hospital, and I didn't know if she would be okay.

''It seems like she had a heart attack,'' I heard a man say.

A heart attack. My mother had a heart attack. She was just fine two minutes earlier. She was smiling and laughing. Two minutes was all it took to maybe kill her. Two minutes was all it took to maybe take her away from me forever. This couldn't be happening. I needed to go to the hospital, but I just couldn't do it on my own. I had to find Vic, I had to go back home and find Vic. I needed him more than ever right now. He promised me that I would be there in my lowest times, now was the right time to keep his promise. I stood up and ran out of the restaurant as fast as I could. Our appartment wasn't too far away from the restaurant. I tried to call Vic while getting there, but he didn't answer. I hoped that he was home and that he was either sleeping or in the shower. I just really hoped that he was home and he would come to the hospital with me. I really needed him in this horrible nightmare. I needed his shoulder to cry on, I needed his arms to comfort me, I needed his lips to make me feel better. I needed all of me. I needed him to tell me that my mother would be okay, that she would make it.

I reached the appartment building a few minutes later and climbed the stairs two by two. I couldn't go any faster. When I reached the appartment, I opened the door and saw a bunch of guys including Vic sitting in living room, playing videogames. None of them noticed me, but Vic. As soon as his eyes met mine,he stood up and ran towards me taking me in his arms.

''Guys, out now!'' he ordered as he held me tighter.

''Come on, I was about to beat the high score,'' one of his friends I remembered as Tony yelled.

''I don't care. Out,'' he replied.

His friends stood up and all grabbed their stuff before leaving the appartment. Once they were out, I bursted out into tears once again. Vic just held me tighter and kissed my forehead all over again.I was so lucky that he was there with me.

''What's wrong baby?'' he asked sadly.

''M-My mother. S-She had a heart attack and now s-she's in the hospital. We were at the r-restaurant and w-when I came back from the b-bathroom...she was on t-the floor. She wasn't m-moving and t-they took her to the hospital. I-I'm so scared Vic. I can't lose her, I d-don't want my mother to d-die. I love her s-so much. I want her t-to be okay Vic. W-We need to go to the hospital. P-Please come with me. I-I can't go alone. I-I need you Vic,'' I answered as I kept crying.

''Oh my...let me grab my keys baby. We'll go the hospital and I'll be right here with you. It's going to be okay. Your mom is going to be okay. I know she will,'' Vic replied, hugging me tighther.

He broke the hug to get his keys in the kitchen. He came back a few seconds later, taking my hand in his. We walked out of the appartment together and I was having issues walking straight. I was shaking and sobbing. When we got outside, I got in the passenger seat as Vic go in the driver's one. And we were on our way to the hospital. I just wished that Vic was right when he said that it will be okay. I just hoped that he was right when he said that my mother was going to survive, that I was going to see her again. I couldn't lose her. I wasn't ready for this, I believed I would never be.


	13. Chapter 13

Alcohol. It was weeks since I last drank a single drop of this poison. I fought the urge to drink for weeks, I wasn't going to let the addiction control my life. I've done so much with Vic, both helping each other to fight the urges. We were each other's cure and we didn't alcohol to feel better now that we had each other. But I didn't care about it anymore. I loved Vic to death, but he couldn't help me right now. I didn't care if I was putting away weeks of being sober and feeling better. I didn't care if I was letting the addiction control me once again. I needed it, I needed it more than anything else. I was so proud of myself for getting rid of the addiction, but it didn't matter anymore. I needed the poison to go down my throat and burn it, I needed the poison that destroyed me for so many years. There were many things that I could handle, but this I couldn't. I could handle having a hard day at work. I could handle arguing a little with Vic. I could handle so many things, but this was impossible to handle. I couldn't lose her, that was simply impossible. She wasn't coming back and I didn't want to feel a thing anymore. I needed the pain to go away and the only cure I knew to do that was alcohol.

**3 hours ago**

I didn't get the news that I expected. I was trying to be positive like Vic told me to. I tried to convince myself that my mother was going to be okay and that she would soon be out of the hospital. But I was more wrong that I have ever been in my entire life. My whole world fell apart when the Doctor told me what happened to my mother. I didn't even find the strengh to cry. I didn't want to believe it, I didn't want it to be true. I couldn't accept it, I couldn't accept that my mother was gone and that she wasn't coming back. I wasn't ready to let her go. I needed her so much, but I could not have her anymore. I was never going to hug anymore. I was never going to hear her laugh anymore. I was never going to call her whenever I felt down anymore. My mother was dead, and she wasn't coming back. She was with the Angels now and I was never going to see her again. It was over, it was too late. The Doctor's words kept playing in mind like they were on repeat, breaking my heart all over again every single time they played in my head.

''Your mother had a heart attack while eating at the restaurant. She wasn't breathing when she got to the hospital. We did our best to save your mother, trust me when I say that we did. We did everything in our power to bring her back, but we couldn't. We attempted so many times to make her heart beat again, but nothing worked. I'm sorry, but your mother didn't survive. She is dead,'' the doctor told me.

The whole time the Doctor was speaking to me, Vic was holding my waist tightly. He was trying to comfort me the best that he could, but it was no use. Nothing could comfort me. Nothing can make you feel better when you learn that your mother is dead and that she isn't coming back. The Doctor was trying to explain me the procedure following someone's death, but I wasn't listening. I needed to get out of there. I needed to find a way to forget, I needed to find an escape from this nightmare. I pushed Vic's hand off of me and ran towards the exit of the hospital, not looking back behind me. I could hear Vic screaming my name, but I didn't care. That was how I found myself running in the streets of the city with the pouring rain falling on me. I was running back home to find an old best friend of mine. I was running back home to meet with the only friend who knew how to make me forget about painful stuff. That was how I found myself locked in Vic's and I's room, drinking multiple beers that I bought at the cheap market down the street.

**Present**

How many beers did I drink in 15 minutes? I didn't know, but the number sure wasn't enough. It would never be enough I was feeling dizzy, but I was already feeling better. Feeling dizzy and sleepy made me forget about reality. It was like I was on a little cloud where everything felt and looked better. How I missed that familiar sensation. How I missed feeling like this. My addiction had the best of me, but I didn't care. I loved it. I loved how it made me feel. As I was about to open another beer, there was a loud knock on the bedroom door. I knew it was Vic and it suddenly made me feel very bad. I started to feel ashamed because I knew that Vic was going to be disappointed in me. He was going to think that I was weak, that I was a loser. I didn't want that. I wanted Vic to be proud of me.

''Kells baby, I know you're in there. Please open the door baby, let me help you. Please,'' Vic begged. ''I know that you hurt and that you think that alcohol is the only solution, but it isn't. Please open the door. Please let me in. Just talk to me Kellin. I just want you to be okay, I'll always be there for you. It was a promise that I made you. We're supposed to be each other's cure, remember?''

I needed him, he was right. He was what I needed at the moment. I didn't need alcohol when I had Vic, my perfect boyfriend. I wasn't just thinking straight. That was the perks of being an alcoholic, it was so easy to fall back into old habits. I threw the beer that I was holding in my hand on the wall along with the other bottles that were still full. I stood up from where I was seating on the bed and walked towards the door in an intoxicated way towards the door. I unlocked it an opened it. As soon as I saw Vic in front of me, I started crying heavily. He didn't waste a second before taking me into his arms. His arms were the only comfort I really needed. I was so stupid to believe that alcohol would help me more than Vic. I felt so bad for Vic, I felt so bad for leaving him in the hospital so I could get drunk on my own.

''I-I'm so sorry V-Vic. I-I'm so weak and I-I'm so sorry t-that I-I disappointed you. I-I need you Vic, it h-hurts so much right now. M-My mom is dead and I don't want to f-feel a thing anymore. I though alcohol would help m-me. I chose alcohol over you and I-I feel so bad. You're my c-cure Vic. Please don't hate me. I-I love you Vic, I can't lose you. I-I know I'm a pathetic loser, but don't leave me. I need you in m-my life more than ever. P-Please stay with me, please d-don't run away from me,'' I said sadly.

''Don't be sorry Kellin. You don't have to be sorry. You're in pain baby, and I can't blame you for turning to alcohol. I will never blame you for that. I would have probably done the same thing if I was in your skin. I'll never be mad at you for drinking when you were supposed to stop. It's perfectly normal to have ups and downs when you're addicted to something. But I'm here for you. I'll help you, I will always help you. I won't let you go Kellin Quinn. You're not going to go through this horrible nightmare on your own. I love you so much baby, and you're not a pathetic loser. You're a beautiful and courageous guy who just lost his mother. It's normal to be sad, it's normal to feel pain. But I'm not going anywhere, I'm staying right here with you. You're not going to be alone. As long as I'll live, I'll be here by your side,'' Vic replied.

''Why did she have to die Vic? Why did my mother have to die? Out of everybody in this big world, why did God decided that it was her time to die? I need my mother Vic. I may be 25 years old, but I need my mother. I need her to tell me that she loves me, I need her to compliment me. She was supposed to be there at our future wedding, she was supposed to be an extraordinary grandmother for the kids that we are going to adopt in the future. I wasn't ready to let her go. She was too young to die. She was finally in love with someone. Her son was finally happy and living a great life. She won't have a chance to enjoy all of those beautiful moments because she is gone. She is gone Vic and she is never coming back. I wish she could, but she can't,'' I said.

''Life is unfair baby. Life will always be unfair. Your mother didn't deserve to die, you didn't deserve to die. It seems like life doesn't want good people to be happy. It always seems like life lets bad people have everything that they can wish for while the best of people keep suffering. I-I wish that I could bring your mother back Kellin, I really wish that I could. B-But life m-must go on. I-I know it is going to hurt for a while and I'm going to be there for you. But your mother would want you to keep smiling, to keep living. She would want you to live for the both of you. Your m-mother was a great woman. And I know that she'll be watching over you and that she will protect you. She will help you even though she won't physically be there. I-I know what it is to lose someone that you love. You n-never forget about them, it will always hurt a little. But you'll always have the memories. They'll always be in your heart,'' Vic added.

He was right. Vic knew what it felt like to lose someone that you cared about. Vic lost his brother. It hurt him at first and he felt it would never get better, liek I did about my mother. But every storm must have an end. And I knew that he was right when he said that it would get easier with time. At least I would have him by my side to help me, I wasn't going to be alone. I wasn't going to ruin my life with alcohol. That wasn't what my mother would have wanted me to do. I needed to stay happy for her, I needed to stay clean for he. That was what she deserved. She fought so many years for my happiness; I wasn't going to let it go away. I would never forget about my mother, but she would always live in my heart. I would go on with my life, because that was what she would have wanted.

But for the moment, things weren't easy. It hurt really much and I couldn't deny the pain. I needed to cry, I needed to express myself. Like the perfect boyfriend that he was, Vic spent the rest of the day with me, laying in bed. We were both silent, not speaking a single world. Vic would hold me tightly into his arms, caressing my hair and my back. I needed time to live my grief, and I was lucky to have Vic by my side to help me go through it.


	14. Chapter 14

A week went by since my mother died and I was feeling okay. I barely smiled after I learned that she was dead. There was nothing to smile about, but I still was okay. I didn't have any urges to do something stupid, something that I could regret. I was missing my mother like crazy. I went to bed every single night crying like a baby, wishing that she was still there with me, wishing that she was still alive. The first few days were the worst. I could barely talk to anyone and I wasn't in the mood to be around anyone else but Vic. When I went to work, my boss had to send me back home due to the horrible service I was giving to our clients. He told me to come back when I would be feeling better. He wasn't mad at me, he understood that I was in pain. He could have fired me, but he didn't and I was very grateful about that. I honnestly felt like I would never smile again, that my life was over. I felt so broken inside, I felt so empty without my mother. It was like losing a part of me, a part of me that I would never get back. I felt like I would never be happy again and that I was going to turn into the big loser that I used to be not so long ago.

But as the days went by, I was slowly accepting that my mother wasn't coming back anytime soon. I was slowly accepting that I would never see her again. I was accepting that this was how life was meant to be, that it had to happen sooner or later. We live and we die, that is the circle of life. No matter how much the thought hurt, I couldn't change how things were. I had to move on and go back to a normal life. I had to do it for my mother. And I was able to keep my sanity because of Vic. It must have been hard for him to be around me in this past week. I was barely talking to him. When I did, I would yell at him or treat him in some horrible ways. He really didn't deserve that, but I wasn't being myself. But he didn't leave me. He stayed by my side every single day. He would sit next to me in silence, he would cuddle me sometimes, etc. He also helped me fight the urges to drink. Because of him, I didn't drink another drop of alcohol. I was mad at him when he tried to stop me and when he would hide the bottles so I couldn't find them. I even hit him once, but I felt terrible afterwards. I just didn't want him to stop me from drinking. But he did for my own good and I was now aware of that. He loved me and only wanted what was best for me. He was the best boyfriend in the entire world and I loved him more than anything else in this big crazy world called Earth.

Today was my mother's funerals and I knew that it was going to be hard and horrible day. It was going to be my last goodbye to my mother before she could rest in peace forever. At least I had Vic with me. We entered the small church and we sat in the first row. I looked around me and everybody was crying. I wasn't crying. It was like I ran out of tears in the past week. The church was full of people I didn't know. My mother was a loved woman who had many friends. There were also some people from our family that I haven't seen in years. Everybody loved my mother because she had the most amazing qualities and because she was always there for the ones she cared about. It made me happy to see that so many people took some of their time to show up. I knew that my mother was smiling from wherever she was. She deserved that, she deserved a great ceremony. I smiled for the first time in a while and I realized that my happiness wasn't gone forever.

The ceremony started a few minutes later when the priest started to talk. To be honnest, I wasn't focusing on what he was saying. I couldn't take my eyes off of the urn in front of me, the urn that contained my mother's cinders since she wanted to be incinerated. I wished she had decided otherwise, but I wasn't going to go against her wishes. It just would have been nice to see her beautiful face one more time. Vic was holding my hand tighlty, sweetly caressing the top of it with his thumb. I wanted to cry, but not a single tear was coming out of my eyes. I felt so many emotions inside of me. I was happy to at least have the chance to give her this last homage. I was sad to know that she was dead. I was angry that she abandoned me. I was lost in my own thoughts until I was brought back to reality when I heard the priest say my name.

''I will now Kellin say a few words about her mother,'' the priest said.

I looked at Vic and he gave me a reassuring look along with a kiss on the cheek. I took a deep breath before standing up and walking towards the platform where there was a microphone. I looked at the people in the room and told myself that I couldn't cry. There were so many things that I wanted to say about my mother. There would be time later to cry, but now wasn't the right time. I looked at Vic once more and he gave me small smile that gave me the confidence to talk in front of this big crowd.

''I couldn't have asked for a better mother. Most of you know her as a sister, an aunt, a friend, a collegue, a girlfriend...but none of you know her as a mother but me. My mother was an extraordinary woman. She always put everyone else's happiness in front of hers. She always did her best to make the ones she loved happy. She always did her best to make sure that I was happy. My mother was always there for me. We've been through a lot together. I made her go through some rough times, but she never gave up on me. I could always count on her even when I was at my worst. She was my stenght, she was my hero. My mother wanted what was best for me. She wanted me to have a beautiful life. She was caring, sweet, positive. I should have told her that I loved her more often. She was my number one, she was my best friend. There are so many things that we shared together. I'll always remember the time where she brought me to DisneyLand. I'll always remember all the times she tried to cheer me up when I was down. I'll always remember when she baked her famous and delicious lasagna. But most of all, I'll always remember my mother as an amazing woman who loved me as much as possible. And as her son, I can tell that I loved and that I will always love even more. I'll never be thankful enough for all the amazing things that she did for me in those last 25 years. Mom, wherever you are, I want you to know that I love you and that you'll always be in my heart. Thank you for being you and thank you for helping me be who I am today. I love you,'' I said.

The room remained silent once I was done talking. I gave a small smile before going back to my seat next to Vic. He took my hand back in his and not another word was said. I was just happy to have him right beside me, when I needed him the most. The ceremony went on as some other people went in front of us and said beautiful words about my mother. I should have cried hearing those people speaking, but it made me smile. Hearing them say memories they had about my mother made me happy. Because memories never die. The memories of my mother will never die. Those memories would always remain in my heart and in my mind.

''Before we end this ceremony, I would ask Kellin to come back here along with his boyfriend Vic,'' the priest said, catching me by surprise.

I had no idea what was happening. Vic and I stood up and I followed him as we walked towards the small platform where the priest was standing. I didn't understand why Vic and I were standing there, but I was about to get my answer as Vic started to speak.

''I know that I could have find a better moment to do this, but I wanted your mother to be part of this special occasion. Our story is special Kellin. We met when we were only 15 years old and it was love at first sight. We were perfect for each other, we completed each other perfectly. We made each other so many promises, promises that were supposed to be kept. But I was dumb enough to let you go and I'll never be sorry enough about that. You were the one for me and I could have lost you forever. But thankfully, life gave us another chance. Life made our paths meet once again. She wanted us to be back together. She wanted us to have our happy ending. She wanted us to have the future that we were meant to have.She wanted us to have the life that we deserved. It was you and me from the start. It was you and me until the end. You're my everything Kellin Quinn. You're perfect to me in every single ways. You're smart, courageous, talented, beautiful, funny, kind, generous, and so many other things. You're the perfect boyfriend and I'm so lucky to have you in my life. You make me a better me, you're the cure to all of my problems. You are all I need to be happy. Just looking into your eyes makes me feel better. I want to be yours forever. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to wake up with you by my side for the rest of my life. I want to be the one to make you feel loved for the rest of your life. I want to be your last first kiss, I want to be your first everything. I want to call you mine forever. You're my one true love, the one true love that can only touch us once in our lifetime. And I will never let you again, I will always be there for you and I will love you until the world ends,'' Vic said, making me cry tears of joys for the first time in forever.

''So, in front of your mother, will you, Kellin Quinn, make me the happiest man in the entire world by saying yes to marry me?'' Vic asked as he kneeled in front of me, revealing a beautiful ring in a little black box.

I nodded, there was nothing else that I wanted more than marrying Vic. At this very specific moment, he proved me that he was the love of my life. He proved me that I could trust him forever and that nobody could love me more than he did. Some would have thought that it was wrong to propose in the middle of funerals. But to me, it was the most beautiful gesture that he could have done. Maybe my mother wasn't going to see me getting married, but she at least had the chance to be part of my engagement, and that meant the world to me. Vic stood up and placed the ring on my finger along with the promise ring he gave me before. I smiled and kissed him tenderly, gaining cheers and claps from the crowd in front of us. And then, I realized that no matter how big a storm can be, there will always be a little bit of sun. And someday, the storm will be gone leaving the entire space to the light, to happiness. And Vic was my sun.

''I love you,'' I whispered.

''And I love you even more, my fiancé,'' Vic replied.


	15. Chapter 15

*3 years later*

Not only was I tired, I was exhausted. Catching 2 hours of sleep per night wasn't enough for me. I was used to sleep for a minimum of 10 hours and now I barely could get 2. It was so hard for me to handle, but it was for a good cause, a really good one. I just prayed that life would finally let me rest a little more so I could finally get a good night of sleep. I soon realized that it wasn't going to happen when I closed my eyes and heard the loud sounds of a baby crying and screaming from the room next to mine. I should have known this would happen since the last time the baby ate was 3 hours ago. I groaned knowing that I could say goodbye to my beauty sleep. I went to get out of bed when my husband grabbed my wrist,laying me back down on it.

''Do you want me to take care of her Kels?'' My husband asked in a low voice. ''You're exhausted, you should take some rest.''

''No it's fine, go back to sleep baby. You need it more than I do,'' I answered.

''Are you sure? You're always the one who's waking up to take care of her. I want to help as well,'' he added.

''I'm sure. You have to go to work early in the morning while I don't. You need to rest, I'll take care of her. Don't worry, it is ok. But thanks for offering, I love you,'' I said.

My husband nodded and gave me a small peck on the cheek before he drifted back to sleep. I looked at him and felt so happy to have him in my life. I felt so happy to call him my husband and to spend the rest of my life with him by my side. A lot has happened in our lives in those last three years and I wouldn't have it any other way. I was as happy as humanly possible. I had the perfect that life that I have always wanted. I had the perfect that I wanted with Vic. I smiled before getting out of our bed and making my way to our little girl's room. She was still screaming and crying like the little devilish angel that she was. She could be a really little ogre when she was starving. She was just like her two fathers. I took her in my arms and walked towards the kitchen where I grabbed an already prepared bottle of milk. I was smart enough to always prepare some extra ones so it would be easier to feed her when she was hungry since Vic wasn't home most of the time.

I sat in the recliner of our living room along with my beautiful Ellie. She immediately shut up as I started feeding her. It wasn't always easy to take care of her, but I loved her to death. She was one of my two persons that I loved the most in the entire world, the other one being Vic. I couldn't believe that I was a father, it still felt so unreal even if Ellie has been in our lives for 3 months now. She was the most precious and beautiful baby girl in the entire world. Three years ago, never would I have thought that I would be a father. Never would I have thought that I would have my own little family with Vic. Three years ago, I used to be a mess. I used to be a loser who wasn't doing anything great with his life. I was an alcoholic who only complained about how horrible his life was. I didn't have a job and sure wasn't looking for one. I dropped out of school and never intended to finish my degree. But things changed when Vic and I found our way back to each other. He saved me, he came back in my life at the right time. Because of him, my life now has a purpose and he helped me who I am today.

Vic and I got married a few month after he proposed to me at my mother's funerals. The wedding was amazing, probably the best day of my life. Only person missing was my mother, but I knew that she was watching me from wherever she was and that she was proud of her little boy. She wanted me to be happy and I finally was. I couldn't have been any happier to get married to the love of my life. Vic's family and friends were there along with some new and old friends of mine. It was Vic who convinced me to contact my old friends. It was a great idea because I really missed them and I learned that they missed me too. They apologized for abandonning me when I needed them the most and I forgave them. I didn't want to stay mad at them forever. I sure wished that they wouldn't have done that, but I understood that I wasn't the easiest person to be around back then. I was just happy that where there now and they got to assist to my wedding. I was happy that they got to assist to the most beautiful and romantic even that would ever happen in my life.

After our wedding, Vic and I moved to a bigger place. With the money that we saved, we decided to buy a small house in the outskirts of town. We were a little tired of our old appartment and wanted something bigger that could allow us to adopt some kids in the future. It was a two stories house with a big backyard and many flowers and trees. It would be perfect for our kids. They would have a lot of space to play outside and have hun. This was our new home, the home where Vic and I would grow old together. It was the home that held our bright future that Vic and I couldn't wait to discover. Everything was going just fine between Vic and I, our relationship couldn't have been any better and stronger. We were madly in love with each other and it would always remain that way. For now it was. As the day passed, the more in love I was with Vic and the more I realized how perfect he was. He was the boy of my dreams, my infinite love, my everything.

A few months later, I decided to go back to school and finish my degree in Chemistry. Again, it was Vic who convinced me to do so. He didn't force me, he just gave me valid arguments. He knew how I loved chemistry and always dreamed to be a chemist back when we were in high school. And I still wanted to be one. That was how I found my way back to University after all those years of doing pretty much nothing with my life. I was finally going to get my diploma and have a job that I would love. As for Vic, things were going better and better with his art. He was making more and more money with it. He was meant to be an artist just as much as he was meant to be with me. He was an amazing painter and I couldn't have been more proud of him. He was offered to do the decor of some musical on Broadway. It was such a great opportunity and Vic of course took it. It was just the beggining of his beautiful career. Maybe one day, my husband would be known as one of the best artists of his generation. No matter what would happen, I would always be proud of him just as he would always be proud of me.

A year and a couple of months later, I finally finished my degree. I was officially a chemist. I was so proud of what I accomplished, I was so happy with who I've turned out to be. I wasn't a big loser anymore. I wasn't the guy who would never do anything good with his life anymore. I was finally going to live the life that I deserved and it truly made me happy and proud. But nobody could have been prouder of me than my one and only, Vic. At the ceremony where I received my diploma, he clapped and cheered for me so loudly when my name was called. He even walked on the stage so he could kiss me in front of hundreds of people. But I didn't care, I simply enjoyed the kiss. He sure made my graduation a whole lot better. Vic excused himself to the director making lots of people laugh before he walked back to his seat. He simply was the best. He was my little dork that I loved with everything that I had in me.

Did Vic and I totally stopped drinking? No. But we weren't alcoholics anymore. We didn't drink to chase away the pain anymore. We didn't need that poison to make us feel better when we had each other. Because of the support group that we attended, we were now perfectly capable to control the urges. We were perfectly able not to drink too much when we did. Vic and I enjoyed drinking a beer or two in special occasions but it never went further than that. Never were we going to let alcohol control our lives again. We deserved better than that. We deserved better than this poison that, at one point in our lives, ruined us and destroyed a part of us. We now knew what to do when we felt down and depressed. We knew that turning to alcohol wasn't the solution. We didn't know it before, but we now did. And never have we felt more free. Free of this drink that was so bad for our health, free of this drink that only made the pain worst once its effects faded away in the morning, free of this drink that once was our one and only friend.

Finally, Vic and I adopted our beautiful Ellie 3 months ago. It took a lot of time before we could actually adopt a baby. The first agency that we visited was a terrible one. They wouldn't let us adopt a kid since Vic and I were an homosexual couple. They said that it wouldn't be right for a kid to grow up without a mother. Weren't we in 2015? I was beyond pissed off and so was Vic. They didn't care if we would make good parents or not. They just didn't like us because we were two men, not a man and a woman. Thankfully, we found another agency. This one didn't care if we were two men. All that mattered to them was our capacities to be good parents or not. So, after a few months of meetings, visits and evaluations, we got a call from the agency saying that they finally had a baby for us to adopt. They found that we were very great men and that we would make excellent parents. They said that they could see that we truly loved each other and that that we could give as much love to our child. And that was how Ellie came in our lives. She was only a month old when we adopted her.

Those three years flew by so fast. I now had a job in one of the most prestigious laboratory of the Californian state, Vic was now doing some decor for popular movies and Ellie was now 4 months old. Our lives were truly perfect. Some would say they weren't, but they were to us. I must have been really lost in my thoughts because Ellie's bottle was almost empty. A few minutes later, she was done. I sat her up on my thighs, tapping her back so she would burp. Once that was done, I laughed a little. She always made the cutest and funniest sounds. I rocked her a few minutes until she fell asleep in my arms. I stood up from the recliner and slowly walked towards Ellie's room and placed her delicately in her cradle. I made sure she was still asleep before going to my own room where I would catch a few minutes of sleep before she would wake up again. As soon as I layed in bed, Vic wrapped in arm around me and kissed the back of my neck. I turned around so I could face him and his beautiful face.

''Did I wake you up baby?'' I whispered.

''No, I was waiting for you,'' Vic replied.

''But you need to sleep Vic,'' I said.

''Not as much as I need you by my side. I need my cure,'' Vic added.

''I need my cure too, you're my cure,'' I replied.

Vic kissed me tenderly. After all those years, I still felt those butterflies in my belly everytime his lips were on mine. That was true love, a love that would last for a lifetime and more. This is what a cure does to you. It makes you feel incredible things. It brings you up when you're down. It chases away your problems when you think they'll never go away. And most of all, it loves you unconditionally. Love can touch us one time and last for a lifetime. And never let go till we're gone


End file.
